Help Others to Help You Succeed

"You can have everything you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want" - Zig Ziglar

Most people mistakenly believe that the biggest obstacles to their success are external circumstances. What successful people understand is that, while external circumstances can make success more difficult, if you're willing to work hard enough and collaborate effectively, you can succeed in any circumstances.

If you've been watching the news at all in the last year or two, you know it's been impossible to avoid the doom and gloom news about the economy. It's everywhere. Now first let me saw that I don't for a minute want to trivialize the significant impact the economy has had on the lives of many people. The issues created by our struggling economy are real and they create real consequences. However, in situations like this, it can become all too easy to use circumstances as an excuse not to achieve at the levels we should. What successful people realize is that you must take responsibility for your success and commit to realize your potential no matter what. No matter what the circumstances are, there are always companies who succeed. Those who succeed no matter what, are those who understand today's success principal: if you help enough other people succeed, you increase the odds that you'll succeed as well.

So, how can you help other people and how can you make it easier for them to help you? The specifics will depend on your career and what you're trying to achieve, but there are some general principals that apply to everyone. The first of these is that you have to learn to swallow your pride. Too many people think that real success is a D-I-Y project. We love to be independent and self-sufficient. What we have to accept, is that successful people are great collaborators. They know how to allow others to support them and help them succeed. Once we get passed our egos, we still have to learn how to make it easy for others to help us succeed.

Here are a few ways that you can help others to succeed:

• Recommend products and services that you have benefited from - Most companies become a success at least in part, because of the recommendations of their best customers
• Help people connect - If you know two people who may be able to benefit from each others' services, put them in touch with each other. They'll both benefit and they'll both appreciate the effort you made to help them
• Complain if you don't receive the product or service you expect - While no one enjoys listening to complaints, smart companies actually appreciate constructive complaints because it helps them discover weaknesses and improve.
  

Here are just a few of the things you can do to make it easy for others to help you:

• Always carry your business cards (I know this is obvious, but it's also critical)
• Write thank you notes to anyone who helps you with anything
  
• Meet as many people as you can and be sure they know what you do and how you can help them realize their goals
  
• Provide value to others. The more you help others to achieve their goals, the more they'll want to help you to achieve yours.

So go out today and help someone else to succeed. Then do it again tomorrow. Continue until you achieve all of your goals:)

To your success,
Mark

Re-Discovering and Joy and Happiness in Your LIfe - PART 2

In my last blog post, I talked about three ways that each of us can re-discover the joy and happiness in our lives that too many people have forgotten. In this post, I'll outline two more ways that we can all be joyful and happy in our lives.

4. Be Happy Where You Are

Most of us tend to think that we could be happy IF this or that happened. If only, we think, I had the right job, the right house, the right spouse, etc.. then I'd be happy. On the surface, this seems logical. Our circumstances seem to be the source of our UN-happiness, so if we could change our circumstances, then we could be happier. Right? Maybe for a little while. But as anyone who has won the lottery or landed their dream job will tell you, even the joy and happiness from significantly positive life circumstances fades rather quickly. In fact, surveys have been done with lottery winners that show their level of happiness returns back to the same level it was at before they won the lottery is a very short period of time.

So, one the major secrets to happiness is to realize that if you aren't happy where you are now, you aren't likely to be able to be happy someone else either. So stop chasing after the next great thing that is going to make you happy and work on learning to be happy where you are. Happiness is not a matter or circumstance, it's a matter of choice.

5. Give it Away

One of the biggest obstacles to authentic happiness is selfishness and self-obsession. When we turn in too much on ourselves it become virtually impossible to find happiness. So if you're in a funk, depressed and otherwise unhappy, instead of focussing on how you can make yourself happier, find a way to bring joy to someone else. Volunteer at a senior's centre, visit an old friend, spend time with your kids doing things they want to do. What I believe you'll discover is that the surest path to authentic happiness and joy and service.

One of my favourite quotes comes from Zig Zigglar, famous motivational speaker, who said, “You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” So go out there and bring joy and happiness to as many other people as you can. Then look in the mirror and watch the smile appear on your face:)

Re-Discovering JOY and HAPPINESS in Your Life PART 1

"Joy doesn't simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day." Fr. Henri Nouwen

Are you happy? Do you have joy in your life? Are you excited to wake up in the morning? I hope the answer is an emphatic YES. But if not, I hope this article will help.

Let me start by telling you one thing I know for sure; you deserve to be happy. We all do. It's the most basic human rights. I've gone through periods in my life where I've struggled to be happy. I've also had struggles with my worthiness to be happy. Who am I to think that I deserve happiness? Why should I be happy when others are not? Why should I enjoy life when others don't? These were all questions I've struggled to deal with at one time or another. Here are my answers. I hope they help you to realize that you DO deserve happiness and joy, and you can have it, now. Over the next few days we're going to look at some ways that you can re-learn how to be joyful and happy in your life. Here now, are the first three tips. I hope that they help you.

1. Change Your Definition of Happiness: For many in today's consumerist culture, happiness is overly (and sometimes completely) dependent on circumstances. We mistake happiness for pleasure. Happiness means only times when we're celebrating, partying, doing what we want etc. Happiness only comes then if we have everything we want (not need, but want), have lots of money, work we enjoy and can do as we please, we're happy. The problem with this type of happiness is that it is almost completely out of our control. When we leave our happiness up to outside circumstances, we lose our ability to be happy whenever we want to be. We can only be happy when everything is "just right".

So I challenge you to change your definition of what happiness means. To me, happiness comes from: enjoying the gifts in my life (for however long I have them); appreciating beauty all around me (my family, nature, etc); sharing joy with others (bringing a smile to someone else is a great source of happiness to me and you can do it any time); and using my gifts and abilities as best as I can to make a positive contribution to the world.

2. Decide to be Happy - This may sound overly simplistic, and it is. And I will grant you that it isn't always quite this easy. If you are suffering from depression or some other emotional/mental condition, then it will take more than a decision. It may even take help from a professional (and if you feel like you can't ever be happy, I encourage you to get help today). But for those who just feel like they want more authentic, lasting, happiness in their lives, think about this, the only person who can control whether or not you are happy, is YOU.

While the actions of others and our actions in the world have an impact, no one else, not even God, can make us happy without our cooperation. So make a decision today and every day to be happy. It may take work at first, but it can be done.

3. Appreciate the Joys All Around You - Human nature predisposes all of us to take the familiar for granted. It's not our fault, we're wired that way. But that doesn't mean we can't work at better appreciating life's everyday special gifts. Sarah McLachlan wrote a great a song called "Ordinary Miracles" that demonstrates the point beautifully. One of my favourite lyrics is: "The sky knows when it's time to snow, don't need to teach a seed to grow, it's just another ordinary miracle".

Miracles, wonderful things (things that should inspire wonder and awe), happen around us every day. The human heart beats over 35 MILLION times a year. Steadily, perfectly, without fail. It's amazing when you think about it. But most of us don't. That is, until it stops working properly. Sadly, for too many of us, it takes the loss of something before we truly appreciate what we have.

So challenge yourself each day to find something to appreciate. Big, grand things are fine, but look for the special little everyday miracles too. They're all around you.

Conclusion:
So that's it for now. Three quick tips that will hopefully help you re-discover joy and happiness in your life. I hope you'll begin to look at your life in a new way and appreciate more of the "ordinary miracles" in your life today.

Five Tips for Regenerating Your Motivation

It's that time of the year again. Summer is coming to a close, kids are getting ready to head back to school, and it's time to get focussed on work again. For many, even those who haven't had a lot of time off, this can be a tough time of the year because it's expected that people will be rested, fired up, and ready to start anew with fresh ideas and renewed enthusiasm for their work, but for many, that just isn't the case.

So, if you've been off for a few weeks, or in the case of my wife, for 15 months (maternity leave), how do you generate within yourself the desire to head back to work and not just dial it in, but actually make new, more valued contributions?

The truth is, while most everyone wants to be a positive, motivated person, we all struggle to find the desire to make changes from time to time. Motivation is never a constant state. There are times when we are more motivated than others. The secret is to know how to get your motivation back when it wains. Here are 7 tips to help you when you feel like you're stuck in a slump:

1. Remember When - Take a few minutes to think about how you felt when you were getting ready to start your first day at your current job. Hopefully, if you enjoy your job even a little bit, when you first started it you were quite excited. So think back to that first day. Whether it was two years ago or twenty-five. Try to remember what it was like the night before that first day. Remember the excitement, the anticipation, the desire to be your best and show your boss and co-workers how great you were. That is the feeling you're striving to carry with you every day when you head into work!

2. Start Small - When it comes to setting goals and making changes, we often sabatoge ourselves by going too big. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm all for setting big goals and pushing ourselves to exceed our expectations and perceived limits. But sometimes, trying to do too much too soon can backfire and set us up for failure. So set that big goal, but be sure to break it into smaller steps so that you can have a manageable first step to take.

3. Get Inspired - An important thing for anyone to do who wants to be motivated is to find their sources of inspiration. I have yet to meet anyone who can remain 100% intrinsically motivated continuously. I have many sources of inspiration that I rely on to recharge my battery, and get me excited about things. They include: God/prayer, my family, great music, inspiring heroes (Terry Fox is one of my favourites) and stories of regular people doing extraordinary things. So figure out what gets you fired up and then be sure your days include a regular dose of those things. Subscribe to a great blog (hint, hint) or e-zine (http://www.markblackspeaks.com/e_zine), watch your favourite tv shows, listen to your favourite music etc. When you properly identify your sources of inspiration then you can be assured in times of doubt and slump that you know how to get going again.

4. Seek Support - "No man (or woman) is an island" someone once said. You weren't meant to go through this life alone and so you shouldn't expect yourself to achieve everything you want without a little help along the way. So if you're trying to generate some new enthusiasm for a particular project or goal, start telling people about. As many people as you can. This will do two things: 1) Talking about a goal gets us more excited about it, and 2) By telling others about what we plan to do we are simultaneously making an unspoken commitment to them that you will follow through. The benefit of this is that most people are better at keeping commitments to others than we are to ourselves. So by committing to others that you will do such and such you greatly increase your chances of success.

5. Refuse to Quit - This is actually the most critical of all the tips because without this, nothing else works. If you can make a commitment to yourself and others, from the beginning, that you will not give up, no matter what, everything else will follow. The thing that actually stops many of us from achieving what we want in life is that we get so tired of fighting the constant inner battle with ourselves over whether we'll keep going or give us, that we get tired and stop pursing the goal. But if you can commit, from the start, that you will not quit, no matter what, then you don't have to fight that internal battle anymore and all that's left is execution. That may sound like a lot, and it is, but since you'll be free to work on the goal without expending energy on continuously keeping yourself motivated, it won't seem nearly as daunting.

Here's to your motivation and your success!

Anxiety and Success

Today's blog is about one of the most prevalent "mood disorders" North American's deal with every day; anxiety. Almost 20% of North Americans over aged 18 are dealing with some type of "Anxiety Disorder" in any given year (US National Institute for Mental Health). That means this is an issue for at least a fifth of us out there and so I wanted to address it. That, and because one of those people is me.

In this blog I am often dishing out advice, suggestions and ideas to help you live your best life. However, I don't think it's fair or honest of me to do that without divulging that I also have issues that I deal with, and unfortunately, anxiety is one of them. The good news, is that I have also found coping skills that allow me to live a normal life and most of the time, I don't have to deal with it at all. However, every once in a while, especially during slow times when I'm not busy or times when significant changes are happening in my life, it rears it head and I'm forced to deal with it.

To anyone who has had feelings of anxiety, you know how debilitating it can be. I'm fortunate that I have never had to deal with the more severe symptoms that some do. Anxiety "disorder" (and I put that in quotation marks because I don't believe it is a disorder - I'll explain why later) can cause everything from a general feeling of uneasiness to heart palpitations, shortness of breath, headaches and paralyzing fear. The good news for any of you out there who may be reading this, or know someone who does, is that there is treatment, and it works.

The foremost treatment for anxiety disorder, as well as depression, is called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This form of treatment forces anxious people to challenge and face their fears and realize that no matter how anxious they may feel about them, nothing will actually happen to them. The more they experience this reality, the more the anxiety recedes.

Now, admittedly that is a very simplified explanation of CBT, but it gives you the idea. The reason that I'm posting this blog entry for everyone to read is that I think it has implications for success for all of us. CBT works by forcing us, no matter how much we might not like it, to face our fears. It makes us leave our comfort zone and realize that life continues outside of it. The application for everyone here is that this is the same thing we all need to do to succeed in life.

If you want to live and extraordinary life rather than an ordinary one, you will have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. The reason that extraordinary people are extraordinary is because they aren't like everyone else, and they become that way by doing things and behaving in ways that other people don't. It can be lonely at the top and if you aren't willing to feel a little uncomfortable; a little anxious, then you probably will never go as far as you could in life. CBT teaches us that beating an anxiety disorder, just like realizing significant success in life, means forcing yourself to do what you aren't necessarily comfortable doing. It also shows us that the more we push again that boundry of comfort, the bigger our comfort zone gets.

NOTE: I hope this entry helps everyone who reads it, especially those of you who might be dealing with an anxiety disorder of some kind. Also, if anxiety is something you deal with, I'd also like to recommend an amazing resource for you that has helped hundreds of thousands of people deal effectively with their anxiety, including me. It's called the Linden Method (just Google it to find the site). The resource is about $100 but it's well worth it (please note that I get no commission or bonus for referring this program to you. I just benefited from it myself and want to recommend it to anyone out there who might need it).

Facing, and Beating Our Demons

We all have demons in our lives. Whether they come in very obvious forms like addiction, or more subtle versions, they are there. It matters not your background, upbringing, socioeconomic status, age, gender, or race. No one is except. What separates those who succeed in life and those for whom life is a constant struggle, is at least in part, how they handle those demons.

For too many of us, the way to handle the things that pose the biggest challenges, is to ignore them. We figure if we block them out, pretend they aren't there and distract ourselves with enough activity, we can evade them. Unfortunately, as I have learned more tan once, that tactic works for a while, but eventually, life knocks you down, strips away the distractions, and forces you to deal with the monsters in the closet.

For other people the demons are too strong to ignore, too big or pretend the aren't there and so they try to block them out or get numb enough that they don't have to deal with them anymore. This is where the nasty beast called addiction thrives.

Finally, for those for whom the demons are too strong, who don't have enough support, or aren't willing to avail themselves of that support, the journey ends by giving up. Sadly, suicide claims the lives of 4,000+ Canadians each year.

So what can we do to improve the situation and eliminate the demons? One thing. A simple thing, but it's also the most challenging and difficult thing to do; we have to do exactly what most of us don't want to do. We have to face the demons.

What I've come to learn in my limited, but powerful, experiences with my own inner demons is that the only way to beat them, overcome them and make them disappear, is to face them head on. Much like a child afraid of the "monster under the bed" we can take the power away from the things that frighten us and threaten to take away our well-being and peace of mind, by refusing to deny they are there. The monster under the bed is only powerful when it's allowed to run wild in our imaginations. Once we look under the bed and realize that there really isn't anything there, the monster goes away and our anxiety lowers. Our inner struggles work in much the same way.

So find someone to talk to, write in a journal, meet with your priest, minister or rabbi, and face your fears, addictions and anxieties head on. I don't promise an instant fix, or even that you'll never have another inner battle to fight in your life. What I can promise is that when you face your demons rather than running from them, you'll be on your way to peace of mind, and a confidence in the knowledge that, while you'll never be perfect, you are working at being the best person you can be.

Yours in Inspired Living,

Mark