Making Progress Means Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

I had a great meeting with a coaching client today. It was a great meeting for a few reasons. Firstly, I really like this client. Even though we've only met a few times, we made an instant connection with each other. Our personalities are similar and we just "get" each other I think. It's always nice to interact with someone when you feel like you're both on the same wave length.

The bigger reason why I loved today's meeting was that I really felt like I was able to help this particular client work through what was holding her back from taking some basic actions that could really get her going in the direction she wants to go in her life. There are few feelings better, from my point of view anyway, then feeling like you've truly helped someone.

What my client needed to do is actually what most of us need to do when we're trying to make a change or achieve a new goal. She had to take a step back from her challenge, assess everything that she was trying to accomplish, and then begin to break it down into manageable steps.

So often when we look at a major life change, it overwhelms us. Think about what it's like when you move. Have you ever had to move, looked at your house or apartment, and though, "how in the world am I ever going to get this all packed up?" I know I have. And yet, almost everyone has moved at least once in their lives. It happens. It CAN be done. The secret is to not tackle the whole issue at once because when you do that you feel like you don't know where to start. So instead, you break it down. Maybe you start with the kitchen. Then, if that's still too much, you tackle one drawer in the kitchen until it's all packed. Then you do the next one. Eventually, the whole house is in boxes.

The same principal applies to our goals. At first you may feel like a few small actions won't make a difference to attaining your objective. But if you don't start with small pieces you can get so overwhelmed you don't take action at all. So start small, and accomplish something. Even if it's a seemingly insignificant step. The confidence you gain from crossing off that first task, will fuel your desire for the next. Soon, you'll have accomplished a entire list of things that bring you closer to your goal and you'll be well on your way.

So take a small step. Do it today. You may be a year, or more, away from where you want to be right now, but by taking action today you'll be one day closer to achieving your goal.

Celebrate! Do it loud and do it often!

When was the last time you celebrated? I mean really enthusiastically enjoyed and rejoiced about something? If you are like most of us, it was probably a while ago. Maybe the birth of your child, your wedding, or the wedding of your child, or close friend. Or maybe it's been so long since you were really celebratory, you can't even remember when the last time was. If that's the case don't feel badly, let's just do something about it.

I read a fascinating article recently about celebration, maybe the most interesting part was, it was written by a catholic priest. We don't usually think of the clergy (especially Catholic clergy) as being pro-celebration, but what this priest pointed out to his readers is that most of us don't really even know HOW to celebrate properly. We try to celebrate, and we end up with hangovers and regrets. We try to celebrate with parties, fast cars and extreme sports, but soon discover that the "rush" doesn't last.

Does that mean that real celebration cant' be done or that we shouldn't bother? Of course not. We are meant to truly ENJOY life and if we look, there are lots of excuses to celebrate. A birthday, an anniversary, a promotion, even a beautiful fall day (today is a great one), is a great reason to celebrate; to enjoy the moment, to relish being alive! The Oscar winning film was right, Life Really IS Beautiful.

So find something to celebrate today!

The Courage to Go On

Do you have what it takes to be a success in life? It's a question we all have to answer at one time or another (in fact most of us will have to answer it several times throughout our lives). If you want to be truly successful in your life, your career and your family life, you have to find out if you are actually willing to do what it takes to be a success. Many people want to be successful, but few are willing to do everything it takes to get there. That's what separates those who make it from those who don't. And one of the biggest obstacles to achieving success in any field is your willingness to keep going, to persevere, to refuse to quit, even when things are seemingly hopeless.

There was a particular episode of Grey's Anatomy that I think of when I think of courage. If you're not a fan, the show centres around the lives of doctors and interns at Seattle Grace Hospital. In this episode, a continuation of the finale from the season previous, one of the doctors on the show, a key character, died. The whole episode was about how those around him, his colleagues and those he was closest to, dealt with the loss.

While everyone seemed to deal with the accident that claimed their friend's life quite well initially, grief and anger eventually caught up to them and we watched as they were crushed by pain. It was a powerful show because it reminded me that we all face these incredibly difficult moments in life when it seems like we can't go on. Whether it's the death of a loved one, a diagnoses of illness or loss of a job, we all face moments where we think, "what do I do now?". It is at these moments that successful people behave differently than everybody else. It's not that successful people don't feel pain, hurt and anger; they do. What is different, is that despite those difficult feelings, successful people continue to move forward. They continue to keep going, to work, to love, to pray, to be ALIVE. And eventually, slowly but surely, life begins to feel "normal" again or, as my doctors told me after my transplant, you define a new "normal".

So today I ask you to ask yourself, "Am I willing to do whatever I need to do to realize my goals?" Am I willing to sacrifice, work hard and persevere in order to get where I want to go? And if you are, if you are truly dedicate to your goals and committed to making your dream life a reality, I believe you will. And when you git a "what do I do now?" moment, push through. Put one foot in front of the other. Eventually you'll come out the other side of your problem, stronger, wiser and more prepared to face your next challenge.

Have a great weekend!

What Golf Can Teach us About Life

I'm heading out golfing today. This is unusual for me for a few reasons. Firstly because I only golf about 3 times a year (wish I could golf more, but can't seem to find the time). And secondly I'm playing in a tournament (which I almost never do). The only reason I'm playing is because it's for an awesome cause and I get to play with my three brothers who I never get to spend enough time with.

So I was thinking about today's blog it occurred to me that golf has a lot of parallels with life; lot's to teach us. Here are just a few of my observations. Maybe the hardcore golfers can add more in the comments...

Patience - There is perhaps no greater virtue in life or in golf. There is nothing like shanking a ball (or three) in the woods to get your blood boiling. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how good or bad you are at golf, there are always frustrating moments in a round of golf. The good golfer, and the one who learns to enjoy the game, is he or she who is patient enough with themselves to move on and hit the next shot.

The same is true in life. We all hit roadblocks, brick walls and detours. There are times in life that can make us want to tear our hair out. Those who are successful in life, and enjoy the ride, are those who are patient with themselves and others and realize that no one's perfect.

Appreciation - Someone once said that "a round of golf is a good walk ruined" but a golfer who really enjoys the game can fun no matter how poorly their round goes. I particularly love the older golfers who have played the game for forty or more years. They often are more excited by the number of balls they find or how quickly they are able to play than what they shoot. They have learned that the experience of being outside and the friendship of their golfing friends is as important a part of the game as the shots they hit.

Life is much the same way I think. Those who are uniquely focused on their goals miss out on a lot of the joys of life. Taking the time to enjoy the little moments along the path like taking in a perfect sunset, reveling in the smile of a child or that perfect cup of coffee on a Saturday morning, enrich the journey so much. Take time to appreciate all that you have.

Striving for Excellence - Much like life, golf is really all about striving for excellence. Striving for that perfect round. I don't really know if anyone ever gets there because, well, you could always have shaved one more shot off your score, and yet still we strive. You can hit fifty bad shots in a row and be ready to give up the game forever and then you hit that one perfect shot. The club hits the ball in that special way, you feel the ball jump off the club and you just know it's pure. That one shot will keep most golfers coming back over and over again.

In life, those who are successful, strive for excellence all the while knowing they'll never be perfect. Some might argue that it's pointless to pursue something that you can't achieve, but others know the truth, it is the pursuit that matters. One need never achieve perfection in anything (if that's even achievable) as long as that is the goal you will be on the right path and ultimately, be successful in what you do.

So that's it for today. I'm off to hit the links. Wish me luck and hope that I and you will have at least one of those "pure shots" today.

Tired? It's in your head... or at least some of it is

I'm exhausted this morning. I had a semi-long run yesterday morning after a fairly late night on Saturday and then made the mistake that I make WAY too often, of not hitting the pillow early last night and now I'm paying for it. (Someday hopefully I'll learn:) ) But as I sit in Starbucks hoping the caffeine will soon kick in, I am reminded that a great portion of how we feel (tired/energetic, happy/sad, anxious/peaceful) is our decision. Granted, that decision isn't always an easy one to make and there are numerous factors that determine how able we are to choose the healthier option, but still, the decision is ultimately ours.

So even though I feel tired today, I've decided I'm going to let it make me feel exhausted, depressed or lethargic. I'm going to continue with my day as though I'm feeling great. What I've experiences in the past is that when we live this way (with the expectation that things are/will be great) they usually end up that way.

Please don't misread me here to think I'm suggesting you don't need to get sleep or take care of yourself because you can just think your way out of exhaustion, depression or anxiety. That's certainly not true. However, I AM saying that your mind is an INCREDIBLY powerful thing. More powerful than most of us give it credit for. So if you possess one of the most powerful tools in the world (your mind) than doesn't it make sense to make sure it's working FOR you and not AGAINST you?

So if you're tired today; wake up! Decide today is going to be a great day. Decide to be effective, upbeat and productive. Decide that you won't allow your feelings to determine your actions, but rather your thoughts. You can't always control how you feel, but you CAN always control what you think. And thoughts lead to feelings. So don't try to feel yourself out of fatigue or exhaustion, BEHAVE your way out of it. Then tonight, when it's 9:00 and you're tired but your favourite TV show is on and you feel the urge to stay up and watch it, or you see that last load of laundry and want to get it done before you go to bed, resist and get some sleep. Your body will thank you and best of all, your decision to be productive, happy and energetic tomorrow will be a much easier one to make:)

Have a great day!

Seven years have passed so quickly!

This week I'm spending some time in one of my favourite Canadian cities, Toronto. While I'm a maritime boy at heart and am happiest on the "right coast", one of my favourite places to visit is Toronto. I'm here this week to undergo my 7 year post-transplant assessment. Once a year I come back here to Toronto to be followed by the doctors who cared for me eight years ago when I was waiting for my transplant and who guided us through the transplant process. It is a time for ensuring my health, but it's also a time of thanksgiving and reflection for the last seven years of life that this process has given me.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Isn't that the sentence that people speak all the time? We all seem to be constantly amazed at how fast time goes by. And yet, I can't count the number of times I also hear people say, "someday I'm going to..." in reference to their goals and dreams. Somehow the irony escapes them. They recognize that time slips away too easily but always count on having more of it when needed. I hate to be a downer here, but someday, hopefully a long time from now, time will run out for all of us. That's why the biggest message of my presentations is "Live Today, Because Tomorrow isn't Promised to Anyone."

So as I enjoy the big city this week, it is also a time for reflection of how I've used the last seven years. It's been an amazing ride! I've had the chance to fall in love, get married and have a baby girl. I've been able to speak to tens of thousands of people, write a book and touch some hearts. I've crossed off at least half a dozen things on my "Bucket List". It's been a great time. And it motivates me to make the next seven years (if God choses to allow them to me) just as great.

Today I challenge you to evaluate where the time has gone and how you've used it. It need not be in grand gestures and amazing adventures (although those things are great), I just hope it's been used well. And if not, create a plan for yourself to ensure that from now on, it will be. Seven years goes by in an instant. Eighty years passes almost as quickly. So wake up, make a plan, and enjoy the ride!

Courage

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear" - Mark Twain
Do you know someone whom you would call courageous? Do yo have someone who inspires you to keep going when you feel like giving up? Someone who shows you what it means to be a courageous person? I have been blessed to meet many in my life. And I carry their courage with me daily and call upon it when needed.

I love the quote that started this article, because to me it is the truest definition of courage I have ever seen. Many of us mistakenly believe that courage means never being afraid of anything. When we think of "the brave" we think of a general leading an army into battle or a firefighter running into a burning building to save someone. Those people are certainly brave, but today I want to talk about a different kind of courage - the kind of courage that can be found on the pediatric ward of a hospital, in a minivan wtih a single mom and her four kids, or at the finish line of marathon five hours after it started.

It takes little courage to run a marathon when you're an elite runner who: a)Knows you'll finish and b) Who only has to run for 3hrs (okay that's still courageous but stay with me here). What is infinitely more admirable to me, are those average Joes out there who line up at the start line of their first marathon not sure if they could survive it. It takes something special inside you to limp your way to the finish line, in great pain, for 5 or 10km just because you refuse to give up! I don't think I'll ever forget watching Ron from NBC's Biggest Loser, crossing the finish line of a marathon THIRTEEN HOURS and SIXTEEN MINUTES after he started!

Go to a pediatric ward in a hospital though and you'll find what I think is probably the most remarkable example of courage I've ever seen. I've been blessed that almost every time I was admitted to a hospital, I was quite sure I would be coming out again. Often though, I'd meet people inside who didn't necessarily have that comfort. And yet, and here is what was truly remarkable, they weren't despondent, sad, or depressed. In fact, compared to the general population, they were quite happy! Now that, is courage. Knowing there's a good chance you won't be alive too long, and deciding to enjoy the ride anyway!

I think if you asked 100 people if they were courageous or not, 70-80 would probably say no and yet I think there are actually many more courageous people in the world than that. It just depends on what you consider to be courageous. Too many of us think, counter to Mark Twain's quote above, that to be courageous means to be without fear. Wrong. To have courage, to me anyway, is to be totally afraid, and do it anyway!

Think about it, does it take any great courage to jump off of a roadside curb? No. Does it take courage to jump off of a chair? For a few maybe, but not for most of us? Does it take courage to jump off a cliff or out of an airplane? Yes. (Some might say it takes a little insanity too, but that's another blog entry:)) So why is it that we label those who in the latter group more courageous than the others? Because we reason that they must be at least somewhat fearful of what they are about to do. Because we're fearful of doing it ourselves. So in fact, you could say that courage requires fear. No fear- no courage.

What's my point? I want you to consider today, what am I afraid of? What barriers, obstacles and limits are in my way because of my fear? What am I unwilling to try because I'm too afraid?
Now, ask yourself the more important question, "Should I do some of those things? What would the result be if I did?"

I'm not advocating reckless behaviour here. That's the reason for the follow up questions. Not everything that we are fearful of ought to be tested. We're afraid of driving our cars 200mph... there's a good reason for that. Fear is, after all, at it's route, a preservation skill. What I'm talking about are the irrational fears and worries that many of us carry around that impede our growth and limit our experience of life.

Today, try to challenge some of your fears. Think honestly about whether they are legitimate (ie: the fear of jumping off of a cliff) or they bear little weight (the fear of meeting someone new because of what they might think about you). If you discover then that either: a) You have nothing to be afraid of at all (often the case) or b)What you are afraid of isn't really that bad, then go ahead and do it anyway! Not only will become more courageous, but your life will open up and you'll be able to experience things that you otherwise wouldn't have.

Have a great weekend! Play safe!
Mark

Sick Baby... What Really Matters

I had to stay home with my 1 1/2yr old daughter Emma today. She was sick. I don't know if there is anything quite so sweet and yet so pitiful as a sick baby. She was not at all herself. Usually a ball of energy and smiles and totally independent, today she was very lethargic and cudly. She wanted her Daddy and blanket and didn't want to do much else. As hard as it was to watch her not feel well, it actually kind of nice to spend quiet time with her, just the two of us.

Today I learned something else about being a parent and was reminded about something else involved in being a human being. Being sick (whether with a minor illness like Emma's ear infection, or something major like cancer) has something to teach us about how to live life. Having a sick child is tough. Much easier if it's only a cold or something temporary, but it's still tough. Why? Because we hate to see our kids in pain, but also because we are left, for the most part, completely powerless. We can't make the illness go away (beyond taking them to the doctor and given them medications). All we can do is keep them company, comfort them and wait. I think that's a great lesson about what should really matter to us in life.

In the end what will really matter to you? When you lay on your death bed at 110, and you look back at your life, what will count to you most? Will it be the number of contracts you landed, the number of sales you made, the amount of money in your bank account or the size of your house? Will it matter what kind of car you drove, how far you climbed the corporate ladder or how many diplomas are on the wall? I doubt it. What will matter most to you will be how close you are to your family. How well did you raise your children? How many great memories do you have? What did you contribute to the world?

Of course we should do our utmost to be great (not just good) employees. Of course you should push yourself to be the best you can be and employ every gift and ability you have been given to make a difference in the lives of those around you. And of course you should exercise your intellect, study hard, achieve all that you can and also take time to ENJOY life. We just need to look at all of these things in proper perspective. Because while these things matter, they don't matter the MOST.

Today my baby girl reminded me how important she is and how much I need to be vigilant about being focused on her and my wife rather than my career. Today I was reminded where the true joy in life lies... in a crib across the hall:)

What if Your Life Wasn't Just About You?

Today is the 7th anniversary of my Heart and Double-Lung Transplant. This day is always one of mixed emotions. There is great joy and appreciation for the gift of life and a second chance. There have been so many blessings and beautiful experiences that I've been able to have in the past seven years thanks to that gift.

Along with all of those emotions come this set of questions that I ask myself every so often. Questions like: How am I doing? Am I making good use of the gift I've been given? Is the way I live my life honoring the life lived by my donor?

I suspect I'll never feel 100% sure that I've done a good enough job, but that doesn't change the fact that I think the question is still worth asking. And today I challenge you to ask it of yourself too. In fact, you don't have to be a transplant recipient to gain the perspective that I think we should all look at our lives with; "if you were living for two instead of just for yourself, would you do anything differently? What if your life isn't just about you?"

The more life experience I gain, the more I come to realize that my life isn't just about me. My decisions affect many others; my mood impacts the mood of my family and friends, my decision to give or not to give, of myself, adds or takes away from the lives of others. In short, we're all connected in this world and what you do today, will impact the lives of others tomorrow. In fact, in some cases, an action you take today, could impact THE WORLD a day, a month or even a century later. It isn't a stretch to think that the actions of a little black woman on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama in 1955 played a role in the election of young black man to the highest office in the United States more than 50 years later.

I don't suspect Parks ever dreamed that when she refused to give up her seat to a white passenger, she would spark a movement that would bring another young black minister to the forefront of racial politics and lead to a movement that would eventually create a better life for millions of black Americans, but it did.

So what is your life about? What will your legacy be?

Please don't misunderstand me. Don't feel pressured by these questions or feel like somehow if you aren't transforming history that your life doesn't matter. We ALL matter. I believe a creator willed us all into existence, and that in and of itself, means we all matter A LOT, and grand gestures and world-changing events are not the only ways to make a difference in the world. A child well-raised, a business created, an elderly parent cared for or a charity supported, are all examples of good uses of one's life. One need not be Dr. King or Mother Theresa to make a difference.

So, if your life isn't just about you, what IS it about? I'm no expert. I'm not a philosopher, religious leader or spiritual guru. I don't have the complete answer but I know this: if you do your best each day to make a positive difference in the life of someone else, you can't go wrong!

Take Time to Stop and Appreciate

A very special day is coming up for me. I think of it as my second birthday, in fact, in many ways, it's more important than my actual birthday; it's the anniversary of the day of my transplant. On Monday, it will be September 7th, 2009. On September 7th, 2002 I received a second chance at life because of a heart & double-lung transplant.

In the seven years that have passed since then, SO MUCH has happened. I've gotten married, had a baby girl, started a successful career, run 3 marathons, published a best-selling book and learned A LOT about myself. It's been an amazing ride, and I owe it all to the gift of a stranger.

As amazing as it is that I am even alive, as incredible and unbelievable as it is that I get to wake and breathe every day, I'm still guilty of slipping into an attitude of apathy from time to time. I'm still not perfect at appreciating all of the amazing gifts of everyday life as I once did, and wish I still did. A great song written by a Canadian artist is called "Ordinary Miracles" and talks about all of those everyday occurrences that ,when we really think about it, are absolutely incredible, but because they happen everyday, we take them for granted.

On Monday I will once again celebrate the very special gift that I was given and renew my commitment to use that gift as well as I can. But tomorrow, on Sunday, I'll take time to commemorate a different occasion, the death of my donor. It's actually this day that makes me appreciate even more what I have been given. Because on tomorrow evening, it will be a different anniversary for that family. The will remember the sacrifice they made and the decision to donate their loved ones organs and tissues to strangers.

So as you relax on this long weekend, whether you feel happy or sad, are satisfied with life, or you're dealing with one of life's difficult patches, take some time to stop and appreciate what you have. Not so much the material things, although a roof over your head and food to eat shouldn't be taken for granted either (many people don't even have that), but the important things like family, friends, fulfilling employment. Take the time to appreciate a beautiful sunset, a chirping bird, the smile of your child.

A life well lived is a life properly appreciated. Happiness doesn't come from what happens to you, but how well you able to focus on the beauty of life. So go for a walk in the park or spend some time with your children and start appreciating beauty.

What's Wrong With Us?

As I may have mentioned before, my "office" is generally at my local Starbucks. I pop in in the morning, grab a coffee, sit down to my laptop, and work away. This location is next to a Chapters/Indigo store as well so often I take a few minutes to browse titles and see what's new. Today when I came in, one book flew off the shelf and practically hit me between the eyes! It's title, "Fear the Worst". What the *^%?/&@#($&!

As someone who strives to make the world a better place and share inspiration and motivation with people, stuff like this absolutely drives me nuts! What possesses someone to decide that the message that everyone needs to hear, especially right now, is "Fear the Worst"? To my mind, this is exactly what is wrong with our world. SO, for this and the next few blog entries, I'd like to give you my discourse on 'fear' and why it sucks!

I would argue that we live in a culture based largely on fear. Our government, news media, and to some extent even religious institutions, use fear as a means of influencing (some would even go as far as to say, controlling) us. Far too many of us are coming from a place of fear in our decision making:

• We save for a "rainy day" (in case of disaster) rather than as a means to achieving a goal (financial independence)
• We exercise, eat right etc (at least some of us do) to avoid illness, rather than to ensure quality of life and enjoying an active lifestyle
• We work hard, less because of a pride in our work and a desire to serve well, and more to ensure that we meet assigned standards and don't lose our jobs

I could go on, but you get the point. In fact, it starts at a very early age. Many if not most parents and teachers, use threats, consequences and punishments as a means to motivate children rather than using positive reenforcement, reward and recognition to instill a desire to do what is right.

So, I guess, when I see a title like "Fear the Worst" I shouldn't be surprised. But what does it say about the way we approach living? Is it any wonder that anxiety and stress are the number one "mental health issue" in North America? We've been programmed to feel a sense of impending doom at all times. When the economy isn't crashing and terrorism threats are under control, then there is a meth amphetamine crisis, or an H1N1 epidemic to keep us on edge. It's crazy.

I couldn't believe when H1N1 hit the papers. This bug was talked about like it was the next black plague and would surely wipe out tens of thousands of us instantly. Schools are talking about closing, airlines refusing passengers and we all begin to feel like we should hide in basement fir a few years until it's safe to come outside again. Here are a few of the headlines from papers in the last few months:

• Swine Flu has killed over 700 WHO says
• Mexico may see 1 million swine flu cases
  
• Swine Flu could kill 90,000 in the US

Read these, and you'd think the end of the world is around the corner. But once you got below the headline and read the articles, or do a little research, you begin to realize how much the story has been blown out of proportion...

"Swine flu has killed 700 WHO says" is an alarming headline and certainly the 90,000 prospective deaths (where that number comes from one might wonder) is even scarier. But if you do a little research, you learn that on AVERAGE 30,000-40,000 people die in the US EACH YEAR of "the flu". They don't tell you that in the headline. The headline doesn't read, average number of people die this year from a new strain of the flu. If that's the case, then why the sudden panic over this particular strain? I would suggest that mostly, it's to sell newspapers and make us watch the news.

I now that was quite a tangent and please don't think that I'm suggesting that this is not an important and news-worthy issue. I, of all people, understand the potential danger of these kinds of viruses. With a suppressed immune system, I am among those most at risk of serious and even fatal complications of contracting H1N1. However, my question is, does that necessarily mean that it demands our FEAR?

Fear is, with the exception maybe of anger, our most destructive and obstructive emotion. It makes us do things we wouldn't otherwise do and keep us from doing things we normally would consider valuable. That's why I work hard to keep it at bay and as much as possible, eliminate from my life. If I can't control it, I don't fear it, I let it go. Easier said than done to be sure, but it CAN be done.

SO, today I challenge us all to follow the words of the wisest man ever to walk this earth, "Be not afraid". Yes be conscientious, yes be proactive, but do it from a positive, confident place rather than one of fear. Fearing the worst will not prevent the worst from happening, it will just cause you to suffer that consequences wether it actually happens or not.

So yes, prepare for potential problems: save money, get vaccinated, wash your hands and wear your seat belt, but PLEASE stop worrying. Make a commitment to yourself and those around you to LIVE fully, without fear. It's the surest path to a successful and meaningful life.