Open letter to anyone being bullied:

There is a new movement afoot in schools across the region to combat the growing problem of bullying. If you watch the news, and do a little research, you learn that bullying is being blamed for increasing numbers of suicides and other mental heath issues among young people. And before we continue, let me state for the record that I understand and acknowledge that bullying is a very real problem and that there are many legitimate cases of real suffering because of it. I write this piece in the hopes that I can help many of those "sufferers" by changing how they look at their situation.

Where I live, the tactic to fight this problem is a campaign built around the phrase, "if it hurts, it's wrong". The premise being that bullying is anything that makes someone else hurt in any way whether physical, mental or emotional.On the surface, I have no problem with this idea. Certainly people have a right to be respected and to feel safe and nurtured in their school. No child should have to go to school afraid. That said, to me, the focus of this campaign is all wrong.

The phrase "if it hurts, it's wrong" sends the message to many students that anything that bothers you, or anything you don't like, is bullying. In other words, if people don't say and do exactly what you'd like them to, they are wrong. The problems with this are pretty obvious I think. The worlds certainly doesn't work this way. So children who believe it will one day come a to a pretty dude awakening. The bigger issue though is that when interpreted that way, the phrase "if it hurts it's wrong" focuses too much attention on the bully than on empowering the "victim".

I was "bullied" if you want to call it that, most of my life. I'm 4'11" as an adult. In school I was even smaller. And so, I was often the subject of teasing and mockery. People made fun of my size constantly. But my parents, who are wise in ways I'm only now beginning to appreciate, did the best thing they could for their young son. They didn't teach him to tell the teacher when someone bothered him. They didn't enroll me in self-defense classes. They didn't teach me that I was a victim. They taught me to ignore anyone who's opinion didn't matter to me. They taught me to be secure in who I was. They taught me that I had value no matter what I looked like. And so I came to learn that a bully could say whatever they wanted to, but they couldn't bother me, unless I let them. As Eleanor Rooseveldt put it, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." When I learned that lesson, bullies became irrelevant. They weren't able to "get to me". And once they couldn't illicit the response from me that they were seeking, they moved on. A bully who can't make you scared, get's bored, and gives up. They feed on fear. Without it, they starve. The fact is, other people might be able to do things to protect us in certain situations from physical danger, no one can stop someone from bullying you except you. The good news, no one can bully you successfully unless you LET them.

So I want to tell every student and parent of a student who is being "bullied" out there right now, "take your power back". If someone is picking on you right now, talking bad about you, making your life miserable, don't feed the beast. Don't buy into it. Don't give the bully, or those they associate with to determine how you feel about yourself. If you are real, physical, danger, than PLEASE go tell someone and get help. If the police need to be involved, do that. Don't endanger yourself for the sake of being "tough". But if not, then there are two powerful things you can do right now to stop the bullies: 1) Be secure in who you are and the fact that you are valuable. If you KNOW that at the core of your soul, then no amount of abuse can break you. 2) Ignore those who are picking on you. Bullies do what they do to get a reaction. They want to see you get upset, the want to see you cry. They get a sick charge out of that. If you don't give them the reaction they want, eventually they'll move on. They'll get bored. And once that happens, you'll know that you have nothing to be afraid of anymore. You'll know that whatever comes your way, you can handle it. And when you have that feeling, nothing can stop you!

Suck it Up Princess

The title of this article is a phrase my friends and I used often with each other throughout our college years. When someone was whining and complaining about an assignment they had to do, an exam they had to prepare for, or any other work that they wanted to postpone, our "caring" and "loving" response was most often "suck it up princess".

To some that probably comes off as being a little harsh. After all, aren't friends supposed to be supportive of each other? Of course they are. And when someone really needed support and a shoulder to cry on, we were there for each other. But more often than not, a complaint to a friend about this or that isn't so much a plea for sympathy as it is a chance to vent. Most often, as people, we just want to be heard and so we would let our friends vent, and then, when they were done, we'd remind them that if they wanted things to get better, they'd better get off their butt and do something about it. They'd better, "suck it up".

Self pity is a sure road to a life of misery and lost potential. Those who fall into the trap of continuously feeling sorry for themselves will never become what they could be because they will be too focused on the dozens of reasons they have for NOT doing things. The fact is, we all have dozens of reasons for not becoming what we can be. Those who are able to realize their potential and make a positive contribution to the world aren't immune from the challenges of life. Those people simply make a choice not to live in a place of being a victim. They chose to suck it up and move on and I would encourage you to do the same.

I realize that to some reading this, the philosophy I'm espousing here may seem cold and unsympathetic. And if you feel that way, honestly... too bad. I AM unsympathetic in many ways to the complaints and "trials" of many people. I am NOT unsympathetic to those with legitimate trials and challenges in life. And there are many who fall into this category. If you are battling a chronic illness, have severe financial struggles or are dealing with death, depression or some other significant loss, than my heart truly does go out to you. But for those with complaints that: "the economy is too tough for me to succeed", "that it's just to hard to eat right and take care of myself", that "I'm too busy to find time to spend with those I love", that "the world just isn't fair and everyone is out to get me", I have just three words: "suck. it. up."

If you want to be what you can, and ultimately were meant, to be in this world, then you have to get tough. You have to become unwilling to bow to the pressure and not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity and excuses and instead, suck it up, move on, and get about the business of living life.

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