Remembering What Life is All About

This week I had the privilege to participate in the 5th edition of the Canadian Transplant Games, an olympics-type week of competition where all of the athletes share something very special in common; they have all received an organ and/or tissue transplant.

Like the Olympics and other sporting events like it, all of the athletes at the transplant games have trained hard and are there to compete and do the best they can. Like all games, some won medals, others did not. But what these games have that others don't, is the special connection that every athlete has with one another because of their shared experiences. Everyone who participates in these games knows what it means to be very ill, they have faced death, and they have come out the other side with a new appreciation for life and a desire to make the most of every day they have been given.So while everyone wants to win, they are able to keep winning in it's proper perspective and remember that what is most important is to compete and to celebrate their life and their good health.

What makes the Transplant Games the most special is that in addition to transplant recipients, there are also families of donors who come. They come to see the impact that their gift has made on the lives of others, and they are comforted in the knowledge that they have made a difference to someone. It is always an emotional time when donor families meet recipients and we who have received the gift of life are able to say "Thank You" to those who have given it. To say that these moments are powerful, would be a dramatic understatement. The energy in the air is electric and something that I have never experienced anywhere else.

There are many great things about participating at these games every two years: the friendship and understanding shared among athletes, the fun of competition and the joy of winning, but by far the most valuable thing I take away from these games is the reminder of what really matters. As we go through the week and hear the stories of of survival, courage and healing, we're reminded that what matters more than medals is that we are all alive, able to share these experiences together. And so i challenge you this week to take inventory of your life and think about what really matters to you, and decide if you are living your life in accordance with those values. If so, great. If not, start remembering what Your life is all about.

Pushing Through to the Next Peak

Yesterday I completed another long run in my training for a marathon in November, 19km, and it as a doozy! A well-known truth distance running is that on any given day you can have a great run or a horrible run. Today was one of those tough ones. I finished it, in a decent time even, but I felt like crap, and many, many, times, I felt like stopping. Why didn't I? 1) Because I have nurtured a desire and an ability to push through pain, discomfort, and fatigue, in order to achieve a goal and 2) I knew it would pass.

Another truth of distance running is that when you start to feel crummy, and you often do, it doesn't mean that you're day is near it's end or that you will necessarily feel that way for the rest of the run. Long distance running, like life, has it's ups and downs. In one day, a runner may experience three or four peaks and valleys. Moments where you feel like you want to stop are followed moments later by feeling like you could run forever. So when they hit a rough patch, experienced runners know that all they need to do is push through it, and a better stretch is sure to follow. The catch is, you actually have to push through the tough stuff and keep running, in order to experience the good run on the other side. What a great metaphor for success in business and in life.

In the Book of Proverbs in the Bible it says, "It is always darkest before the dawn". In other words, our greatest moments often follow our toughest ones. If you are like me and you find this to be incredibly accurate, have you ever thought about why? Have you ever wondered why it is that our greatest achievements, our proudest moments, and our best memories, often come after our worst failures, saddest defeats and worst nightmares? I believe it is because for those who choose to, obstacles can supply an even greater desire to succeed. Those who fail know how it feels, and they don't like it. That feeling is a great motivator to work harder and succeed next time, and it provides the strength and determination you need to push through the inevitably difficult times in life so that you can experience the success that awaits on the other side.

A business that succeeds after going bankrupt, an athlete who wins the gold after falling in the race the year before, the candidate who wins the election after having been defeated four years earlier, know how special their achievements are and able to appreciate them in ways that those who manage to go straight to the top without hitting many bumps, don't. And they are able to experience those successes only because instead of giving up when they encounter discouragement and defeat (as many others would), they push through to the other side.

So are you pushing through? Are you focussed on the peak when you're going through your valley, or do you hit a dip and quit? The choice is yours, and the level of your success will be determined by your choice.


And victory never tastes so sweet as when it comes after a loss

Life is Beautiful

Life. What is it? Many people have defined it, many have tried to explain it and many have expressed their feelings about it but no one I've read or heard yet has been able to explain, express or define it's beauty. I won't be able to either, but today I want to remind you of the beauty, the wonder and the gift that is life. To do that, I want to share with you a perspective we can all appreciate, that of my two year old daughter, Emma.

Emma is a constant reminder to me that life is an awesome, beautiful and amazing thing. Because of her youth, she is amazed by nearly everything. We go for a walk and she sees an ant crawling on the ground, she stops, she examines it, she watched it walk along the pavement and she takes it all in. She is awestruck by this ant. To her, it is an amazing thing.

Later on our walk she will notice the sewer drain in the side of the road. She hears the sound of rushing water and she stops to listen and watch, to see what can be discovered from this interesting discovery.

A while later she'll ask to push her stroller with her baby doll in it. She'll walk along proudly pushing her baby and talking to her the whole length of the walk, describing what's happening, pointing things out to her (or at least that's what I assume she's doing since I can rarely make out more than a few words she says to her baby). Finally we come back to our driveway and Emma fights not to go inside. She loves to walk, to discover, to play and she doesn't want it to end. I bring her inside as she cries I try to re-assure her that we will go on other walks. There will be more discovering another day.

What Emma has taught me, and continues to teach me, is that life is amazing. There is so much to be discovered, appreciated and enjoyed. She doesn't need a good reason to laugh, she just does it. She doesn't need anything truly extraordinary (at least by adult standards) to be awestruck and amazed, she takes everything in with a true appreciation and amazement for the wonder that is life. And it's inspiring to watch.

Emma reminds me, and should remind us all, that life is a beautiful and amazing and it should be a valuable gift that we treasure and use to the best of our abilities. As adults it can be easy to forget this amongst the bills, work, responsibilities, stress, but we need to. We need to remember that life is short, and we shouldn't waste a minute of it complaining, worrying or doing anything but appreciating and using it.

Today may you be more open the wonder and beauty that is your life. Take a moment to breathe in the fresh morning air. Take a second to really SEE. Take in the blue sky, the sun and the rainbows. It's an amazing, beautiful and awe-inspiring world out there. Enjoy it!

Simple Pleasures, Beautiful Moments

With each passing year, I come more and more to realize that the greatest joys in life come from simple pleasures and beautiful moments. It truly is "not the years in our life but the life in our years" that matters.

Last night I enjoyed one of those beautiful moments that makes you grateful to be alive. Unlike most nights when I allow my wife to do the work of putting our two year old daughter Emma, to bed, last night I took over the job. I wasn't particularly excited to do it since yesterday was a tough day for Emma. She's fighting a cold, cutting her molars and in general just not in a good mood. She'd been whiny all night and I didn't exactly relish the thought of putting her to bed. But I'm certainly glad now that I did.

After brushing our teeth (yes I have to brush mine too so that she'll brush hers) we went to pick out a story. Emma picked the Sears catalogue to read (one of her favourites... I know it doesn't make any sense, but it's what she likes). After flipping through the pages for a while and finding the dolls and the toys, we closed it and I was ready to put her in her crib, but instead of doing that, I decided to just hold her in my arms and rock her a bit.

Normally, Emma is very squirmy, even at bed time, and doesn't let you hold her for too long. But last night she allowed her father the chance to hold her in his arms and just rock with her and then I started to sing. Nothing in particular, bits and pieces of different songs as lyrics came into my head. It didn't matter what I sang I knew. She just laid her little head on my shoulder and allowed me that simple, beautiful, moment. And it did take my breath away.

So often we get caught up in the constant struggle to create great moments in our lives. We spend months planning elaborate trips and parties, we schedule every minute of our vacations, and we try to pack in as much as we can. We work hard at our fun sometimes. But often, the greatest joys in life, the moments that take our breath away, are the simplest, and the cheapest. They're the moments that sneak up on us. All we have to do is sit back, let them happen and take them in.

Today I wish you many, many beautiful moments. I encourage you to be open to them and when they happen, to recognize and appreciate them. For they are the true treasures of life.

Setting UNrealistic and UNachievable Goals

Conventional goal-setting wisdom advises, among other things, that you make your goals: achievable and realistic. I think that's crap. If goals were meant to be achievable and realistic most of the world's greatest achievements and inventions would never have happened. Effective goals should be UN-realistic and NOT QUITE Achievable. Why?

1. Because if you want to be motivated to achieve something, you need to be excited about it, and it's hard to get excited about something you know you can do in your sleep.

2. Goals are meant to help you realize your potential. If a goal isn't pushing you beyond your comfort zone, it's not doing it's job!

Am I suggesting that your goals should be completely impossible? No, there's not much point in that. For example, the goal to become the world's fastest marathoner is not mine - at 4'11" with a new heart and lungs it just plain ain't ever gonna happen. I'll also never be the biggest, fastest or strongest at anything. And that's ok with me.

As a motivational speaker, you might expect me to say that anyone can do anything, but I won't say that because truth be told, that just isn't true, and we all know it. But what is also true, is that a whole lot more is possible than most people think, and you will never achieve more than you think is possible. You just gotta' believe.

This week I challenge you to challenge yourself. When was the last time you really pushed yourself? When was the last time you explored your limits and tried to go beyond them? When was the last time you re-examined what you consider "impossible" and then proved yourself wrong? Part of living fully is daring to fail enough to find out what you're really capable of doing. So go out there this week and fail. Set some UN-realistic and UN-achievable goals. You might just do something incredible!
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Learn more about Mark's inspirational programs and his best-selling book "Live Life from the Heart: 52 Weeks to a Life of Passion and Purpose" go to: www.MarkBlackSpeaks.com

Achieve Your New Year's Resolutions

I want to share a very important piece of wisdom with you: You will never accomplish anything… if you never start. There is great power in beginning. I don’t know many people who don’t have at least a few goals for themselves unfortunately; the number of those people who have actually done anything about those goals is far too small. Oh sure we think about working on our goals, we dream about achieving those goals, but we rarely do anything about them.

As New Year's 2010 starts to fade from memory, this week's article is about helping you to set and achieve some resolutions that will really make a difference in your life in the next 11 1/2 months. Over the next few weeks we'll address a few of the key steps needed to make your resolutions a reality. The first one is simply this: Get Started!

How often have you said to yourself, “I really should …”? Whether it was travel, work less, begin an exercise program, write a book, we’ve all had goals and then for one reason or another failed to achieve them. Often the reason we fail is that we can’t complete the most important step; start.

It sounds simple but in fact sometimes starting is the hardest part. It’s easy to get so overwhelmed and intimidated by the scope of what needs to be done, that you just don’t know what to do first. Another problem people encounter is that they make the mistake of thinking that action follows motivation, but there’s no reason that the opposite won’t work just as well.

The problem with waiting to be motivated before you start is sometimes you just can’t get motivated. Instead of waiting for the inspiration to start working on your goals, just start. If you get things going, motivation will follow

Action Item

First make a list of a few major goals you have for your life. Now, figure out what would be the first three steps that you’d have to take to accomplish each of these goals and write them down underneath the goal. For example, if your goal is to write a book, set aside an hour each day, to write. Take the phone off the hook, turn the TV off, and write.

Don’t get tripped up by trying to figure out what the perfect first step is. Just write something down (you can always change it if you need to). In this situation, the key isn’t what you do, just that you do something.

Goal 1

a)

b)

c)

Goal 2

a)

b)

c)

Goal 3

a)

b)

c)

What you’ve just done is create your TO DO list for your next year. You should now have nine things that you can DO today to start making your resolutions come true. Don’t allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the whole project, just pick the first thing on the list and get started!

The Trials of Travel - Part 2

Well it's been a few days and now since the last entry. I promised at the end of that entry that 1) I would let you know how things turned out and 2) What positive lessons could be learned. So here goes...

1) My wife, daughter and mother were not able to book a flight back home as nothing was available for several days. They were able to get a flight on Jet Blue that got them to Portland, ME which is more than 1/2 way so they took that. My dad, after getting home at 1AM the night before, got up at 7:00 AM turned around and drove the 7 hrs back south to pick them up. Luckily we have relatives near Portland and my family and parents were able to stay there after Dad arrived so they could rest a bit before the trek back home. They all arrived safe and sound Thursday evening. Thank God.

Now, what can we take from this experience... that depends, as I talk about in my presentations all the time, on what we choose to focus on. There are a plethora of negative things that we could focus on from this trip: the lost bags, cold and cloudy weather, three people getting sick, the lack of help from the airline during any part of the ordeal, my wife being so ill on the way home that she couldn't fly etc etc etc but focusing on those things does us no good, and not only that, it ruins the vacation by overshadowing the good stuff that happened. So I'm choosing to focus on the good things like: riding with my wife on the Tower of Terror and watching her scream all the way; seeing the amazing and inspiring presentation at Sea World as the world's largest creatures jumped farther into the air than I ever thought possible; and one memory that will stay with me for a LONG time, the look on daughter's face when she met the Disney princesses.

All in all, we still had a great vacation. Was it a smooth one? No. Did it go as planned? No. Are we still going to make sure American Airlines knows how unhappy we are with them? Yep. But still, it was a good time, and the "adventures" we had actually have one big plus: they'll make sure that we'll never forget that week!

So what's the big lesson? We can only control so much in our lives. In fact, we can control much less than we'd like to think. So when circumstances go against you, don't stress, don't freak out, just do your best to "go with the flow". Things will turn around. They always do. Take comfort in the knowledge that while much is out of your control, there's one thing you can always do something about; how you handle adversity and what you choose to focus on. I'm choosing to focus on that image of my daughter's face.

Dealing with Post-Holiday Stress

This is a time of the year that can be very stressful for many of us. Vacation is over, and there are no breaks anywhere in sight for the next while. The credit card bills start rolling in after holiday over-spending, and many people can get pretty stressed out. Add to that the short days, darkness and frigid temperatures and this can be a very hard time of the year to deal with. So this blog entry is about how to deal effectively with this stress.

1) Sort out what you're worries are - Sometimes that means writing things down. Make a list of everything that you have on your mind. Then, go through them one by one and examine which you have control over and which you don't. Those you don't; put out of your mind, you can't do anything about them anyway and focussing on them will only cause stress and anxiety. Those you CAN control, set to work on sorting them out or solving them all together (ie: If mounting bills are stressing you out, go through them, find out exactly what you owe and either pay them, or make a plan with a bank on how you'll deal with them). Often just dealing with the issues and knowing you have a plan can make a lot of difference.

2) Focus on Today - Just like I mention in my book (Live Life from the Heart: 52 Weeks to a Life of Passion and Purpose - click here to get your copy), the more you can remain in the present and focus on one day at a time, the easier life gets. Let's face it, there is lots you can control, but even more you can't and the sooner you accept that and strop trying to control those things, the better. Focus on enjoying each day as best you can (not with the idea that you won't have tomorrow, but just because every day is special:)

3) Stay Busy - For me the most effective thing I can do to help my mood and my ability to cope with life's stress is to stay busy. The more I can keep my mind distracted with other things, the better I feel. That held true when I was in hospital and is still true today. When I have too much time on my hands I can get neurotic and begin worrying a lot, but if I stay active and busy, life goes well. I'm not advocating that you ignore reality or anything, but simply that you don't dwell on negative things and instead focus on living life as actively and fully as your health will allow.

4) Exercise - In that same vane, I'm a runner. People often ask me, "why?". Why running? Why is it important to you? and the truth is, I do it because I love it and I want to stay in shape, but most of all, I do it because of how it makes me feel. After a run (even if it's only a few km) I feel more energized, more calm and have a general sense of well-being. I would strongly encourage you to get active. It doesn't have to be running. Walking is great too, so is swimming. Anything that gets your heart rate up for a while is good. It will help your mood, ease stress and also make you stronger physically which, especially when you're fighting disease, is really important.

5) Pray, but Act Too - Faith is a huge part of my life. I couldn't have made it through my health issues without God. Sometimes he provided that little push or support, sometimes he carried me completely. I pray daily and I think it can be a great source of comfort and strength. That said, I also think that God expects us to help ourselves and that he often does his work through us and others. If you don't already, start praying. Trust me, God is waiting to hear from you:). But also don't expect miracles without any work. I want to take nothing away from God and his infinite power to help us and even cure us, but I do think he expects that we'll use the gifts and abilities he's given us to help ourselves as well. So don't sit around waiting for him to work miracles without taking action yourself. At the same time try surrendering as much of your future to him as you can (that's a daily struggle too) but in the end, we know he's in control and he loves us and cares for us more than we can ever understand. He only wants what's best for us and so the more we let him work, the better things will be.

I hope this was helpful to any of our readers dealing with the post-holiday stress common to so many. Remember your life is what you make it. Don't waste time being stressed over things you can't change.

Faith - You Gotta' Believe

If there is a universal key to success it is faith. The belief that one will succeed is essential to achieving whatever goals one might have. So I thought at this time of year, when children provide a great example of faith in the form of their belief in a big man with a red suit, it would be a good time to discuss this success principal.

To achieve anything in life, you must first believe it is possible. In fact, I dare say that you have never realized a goal that you didn't first believe you could accomplish (even if that belief was shadowed with some doubts). At it's most basic level, we all accept this principal. We know that we'll never be a good parent, wife, husband etc. we must have at least a basic faith that we are capable of being that person. We know we'll fall down, we know we'll fall short, but we must also know we are capable. However, for some reason, despite being able to have faith in ourselves when it comes to fundamental abilities, we so often fail to have faith in ourselves to do extraordinary things, when it is exactly at the time that we attempt those things when faith is most critical.

Start working on your faith. You Can Do Anything. Period. The sooner you can make this a core belief, the sooner you will meet with success.

Finding Contentment

Eight years ago I found myself in a hospital bed waiting for a miracle to save my life. I was on the heart-lung transplant waiting list, unsure of how, or even if, my life would continue. I was blessed to have family and friends to support me along the way but it was still a tough situation.

In the years since that time, many people asked me how it felt to have my life "on hold". To them, I wasn't really living, I was just "on hold". I wasn't really living. But they were wrong. During that six months I learned one of the most important lessons of my life, that happiness isn't found in what you do, how much you have, or don't have, or even if you're healthy (in fact I was very, very, sick) happiness comes from being able to find contentment wherever you are. Happiness comes from cultivating appreciation, especially for the little things.

While in hospital for six months, I learned to cultivate an appreciation for time with family, card games, the perfect meal. In other words, I learned to enjoy life's simple pleasures.It wasn't that I didn't still have goals and dreams; I most certainly did. But instead of needing those things in order to be happy, I realized that I could cultivate happiness right where I was, sick in a hospital bed. My happiness was not dependent on a set of conditions. I learned to just BE.

This holiday, strive to avoid getting caught up in ensuring that every details is perfect. Don't get overly stressed that this or that isn't "just right". Instead take the time to savour the moments. Enjoy your time with family and friends. Sing carols, have great conversations, play fun games and take it all in. This, after all, is what life is all about. Next year you won't remember if the stuffing was perfect or the bow didn't match the paper on one of your gifts. What you'll remember is the time you spent with people you care about. You'll remember the little things.

Have a blessed and merry Christmas. Just remember to slow down enough to take it in.

Making Progress Means Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

I had a great meeting with a coaching client today. It was a great meeting for a few reasons. Firstly, I really like this client. Even though we've only met a few times, we made an instant connection with each other. Our personalities are similar and we just "get" each other I think. It's always nice to interact with someone when you feel like you're both on the same wave length.

The bigger reason why I loved today's meeting was that I really felt like I was able to help this particular client work through what was holding her back from taking some basic actions that could really get her going in the direction she wants to go in her life. There are few feelings better, from my point of view anyway, then feeling like you've truly helped someone.

What my client needed to do is actually what most of us need to do when we're trying to make a change or achieve a new goal. She had to take a step back from her challenge, assess everything that she was trying to accomplish, and then begin to break it down into manageable steps.

So often when we look at a major life change, it overwhelms us. Think about what it's like when you move. Have you ever had to move, looked at your house or apartment, and though, "how in the world am I ever going to get this all packed up?" I know I have. And yet, almost everyone has moved at least once in their lives. It happens. It CAN be done. The secret is to not tackle the whole issue at once because when you do that you feel like you don't know where to start. So instead, you break it down. Maybe you start with the kitchen. Then, if that's still too much, you tackle one drawer in the kitchen until it's all packed. Then you do the next one. Eventually, the whole house is in boxes.

The same principal applies to our goals. At first you may feel like a few small actions won't make a difference to attaining your objective. But if you don't start with small pieces you can get so overwhelmed you don't take action at all. So start small, and accomplish something. Even if it's a seemingly insignificant step. The confidence you gain from crossing off that first task, will fuel your desire for the next. Soon, you'll have accomplished a entire list of things that bring you closer to your goal and you'll be well on your way.

So take a small step. Do it today. You may be a year, or more, away from where you want to be right now, but by taking action today you'll be one day closer to achieving your goal.

Celebrate! Do it loud and do it often!

When was the last time you celebrated? I mean really enthusiastically enjoyed and rejoiced about something? If you are like most of us, it was probably a while ago. Maybe the birth of your child, your wedding, or the wedding of your child, or close friend. Or maybe it's been so long since you were really celebratory, you can't even remember when the last time was. If that's the case don't feel badly, let's just do something about it.

I read a fascinating article recently about celebration, maybe the most interesting part was, it was written by a catholic priest. We don't usually think of the clergy (especially Catholic clergy) as being pro-celebration, but what this priest pointed out to his readers is that most of us don't really even know HOW to celebrate properly. We try to celebrate, and we end up with hangovers and regrets. We try to celebrate with parties, fast cars and extreme sports, but soon discover that the "rush" doesn't last.

Does that mean that real celebration cant' be done or that we shouldn't bother? Of course not. We are meant to truly ENJOY life and if we look, there are lots of excuses to celebrate. A birthday, an anniversary, a promotion, even a beautiful fall day (today is a great one), is a great reason to celebrate; to enjoy the moment, to relish being alive! The Oscar winning film was right, Life Really IS Beautiful.

So find something to celebrate today!

What Golf Can Teach us About Life

I'm heading out golfing today. This is unusual for me for a few reasons. Firstly because I only golf about 3 times a year (wish I could golf more, but can't seem to find the time). And secondly I'm playing in a tournament (which I almost never do). The only reason I'm playing is because it's for an awesome cause and I get to play with my three brothers who I never get to spend enough time with.

So I was thinking about today's blog it occurred to me that golf has a lot of parallels with life; lot's to teach us. Here are just a few of my observations. Maybe the hardcore golfers can add more in the comments...

Patience - There is perhaps no greater virtue in life or in golf. There is nothing like shanking a ball (or three) in the woods to get your blood boiling. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how good or bad you are at golf, there are always frustrating moments in a round of golf. The good golfer, and the one who learns to enjoy the game, is he or she who is patient enough with themselves to move on and hit the next shot.

The same is true in life. We all hit roadblocks, brick walls and detours. There are times in life that can make us want to tear our hair out. Those who are successful in life, and enjoy the ride, are those who are patient with themselves and others and realize that no one's perfect.

Appreciation - Someone once said that "a round of golf is a good walk ruined" but a golfer who really enjoys the game can fun no matter how poorly their round goes. I particularly love the older golfers who have played the game for forty or more years. They often are more excited by the number of balls they find or how quickly they are able to play than what they shoot. They have learned that the experience of being outside and the friendship of their golfing friends is as important a part of the game as the shots they hit.

Life is much the same way I think. Those who are uniquely focused on their goals miss out on a lot of the joys of life. Taking the time to enjoy the little moments along the path like taking in a perfect sunset, reveling in the smile of a child or that perfect cup of coffee on a Saturday morning, enrich the journey so much. Take time to appreciate all that you have.

Striving for Excellence - Much like life, golf is really all about striving for excellence. Striving for that perfect round. I don't really know if anyone ever gets there because, well, you could always have shaved one more shot off your score, and yet still we strive. You can hit fifty bad shots in a row and be ready to give up the game forever and then you hit that one perfect shot. The club hits the ball in that special way, you feel the ball jump off the club and you just know it's pure. That one shot will keep most golfers coming back over and over again.

In life, those who are successful, strive for excellence all the while knowing they'll never be perfect. Some might argue that it's pointless to pursue something that you can't achieve, but others know the truth, it is the pursuit that matters. One need never achieve perfection in anything (if that's even achievable) as long as that is the goal you will be on the right path and ultimately, be successful in what you do.

So that's it for today. I'm off to hit the links. Wish me luck and hope that I and you will have at least one of those "pure shots" today.

Courage

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear" - Mark Twain
Do you know someone whom you would call courageous? Do yo have someone who inspires you to keep going when you feel like giving up? Someone who shows you what it means to be a courageous person? I have been blessed to meet many in my life. And I carry their courage with me daily and call upon it when needed.

I love the quote that started this article, because to me it is the truest definition of courage I have ever seen. Many of us mistakenly believe that courage means never being afraid of anything. When we think of "the brave" we think of a general leading an army into battle or a firefighter running into a burning building to save someone. Those people are certainly brave, but today I want to talk about a different kind of courage - the kind of courage that can be found on the pediatric ward of a hospital, in a minivan wtih a single mom and her four kids, or at the finish line of marathon five hours after it started.

It takes little courage to run a marathon when you're an elite runner who: a)Knows you'll finish and b) Who only has to run for 3hrs (okay that's still courageous but stay with me here). What is infinitely more admirable to me, are those average Joes out there who line up at the start line of their first marathon not sure if they could survive it. It takes something special inside you to limp your way to the finish line, in great pain, for 5 or 10km just because you refuse to give up! I don't think I'll ever forget watching Ron from NBC's Biggest Loser, crossing the finish line of a marathon THIRTEEN HOURS and SIXTEEN MINUTES after he started!

Go to a pediatric ward in a hospital though and you'll find what I think is probably the most remarkable example of courage I've ever seen. I've been blessed that almost every time I was admitted to a hospital, I was quite sure I would be coming out again. Often though, I'd meet people inside who didn't necessarily have that comfort. And yet, and here is what was truly remarkable, they weren't despondent, sad, or depressed. In fact, compared to the general population, they were quite happy! Now that, is courage. Knowing there's a good chance you won't be alive too long, and deciding to enjoy the ride anyway!

I think if you asked 100 people if they were courageous or not, 70-80 would probably say no and yet I think there are actually many more courageous people in the world than that. It just depends on what you consider to be courageous. Too many of us think, counter to Mark Twain's quote above, that to be courageous means to be without fear. Wrong. To have courage, to me anyway, is to be totally afraid, and do it anyway!

Think about it, does it take any great courage to jump off of a roadside curb? No. Does it take courage to jump off of a chair? For a few maybe, but not for most of us? Does it take courage to jump off a cliff or out of an airplane? Yes. (Some might say it takes a little insanity too, but that's another blog entry:)) So why is it that we label those who in the latter group more courageous than the others? Because we reason that they must be at least somewhat fearful of what they are about to do. Because we're fearful of doing it ourselves. So in fact, you could say that courage requires fear. No fear- no courage.

What's my point? I want you to consider today, what am I afraid of? What barriers, obstacles and limits are in my way because of my fear? What am I unwilling to try because I'm too afraid?
Now, ask yourself the more important question, "Should I do some of those things? What would the result be if I did?"

I'm not advocating reckless behaviour here. That's the reason for the follow up questions. Not everything that we are fearful of ought to be tested. We're afraid of driving our cars 200mph... there's a good reason for that. Fear is, after all, at it's route, a preservation skill. What I'm talking about are the irrational fears and worries that many of us carry around that impede our growth and limit our experience of life.

Today, try to challenge some of your fears. Think honestly about whether they are legitimate (ie: the fear of jumping off of a cliff) or they bear little weight (the fear of meeting someone new because of what they might think about you). If you discover then that either: a) You have nothing to be afraid of at all (often the case) or b)What you are afraid of isn't really that bad, then go ahead and do it anyway! Not only will become more courageous, but your life will open up and you'll be able to experience things that you otherwise wouldn't have.

Have a great weekend! Play safe!
Mark

Sick Baby... What Really Matters

I had to stay home with my 1 1/2yr old daughter Emma today. She was sick. I don't know if there is anything quite so sweet and yet so pitiful as a sick baby. She was not at all herself. Usually a ball of energy and smiles and totally independent, today she was very lethargic and cudly. She wanted her Daddy and blanket and didn't want to do much else. As hard as it was to watch her not feel well, it actually kind of nice to spend quiet time with her, just the two of us.

Today I learned something else about being a parent and was reminded about something else involved in being a human being. Being sick (whether with a minor illness like Emma's ear infection, or something major like cancer) has something to teach us about how to live life. Having a sick child is tough. Much easier if it's only a cold or something temporary, but it's still tough. Why? Because we hate to see our kids in pain, but also because we are left, for the most part, completely powerless. We can't make the illness go away (beyond taking them to the doctor and given them medications). All we can do is keep them company, comfort them and wait. I think that's a great lesson about what should really matter to us in life.

In the end what will really matter to you? When you lay on your death bed at 110, and you look back at your life, what will count to you most? Will it be the number of contracts you landed, the number of sales you made, the amount of money in your bank account or the size of your house? Will it matter what kind of car you drove, how far you climbed the corporate ladder or how many diplomas are on the wall? I doubt it. What will matter most to you will be how close you are to your family. How well did you raise your children? How many great memories do you have? What did you contribute to the world?

Of course we should do our utmost to be great (not just good) employees. Of course you should push yourself to be the best you can be and employ every gift and ability you have been given to make a difference in the lives of those around you. And of course you should exercise your intellect, study hard, achieve all that you can and also take time to ENJOY life. We just need to look at all of these things in proper perspective. Because while these things matter, they don't matter the MOST.

Today my baby girl reminded me how important she is and how much I need to be vigilant about being focused on her and my wife rather than my career. Today I was reminded where the true joy in life lies... in a crib across the hall:)

Five Tips for Regenerating Your Motivation

It's that time of the year again. Summer is coming to a close, kids are getting ready to head back to school, and it's time to get focussed on work again. For many, even those who haven't had a lot of time off, this can be a tough time of the year because it's expected that people will be rested, fired up, and ready to start anew with fresh ideas and renewed enthusiasm for their work, but for many, that just isn't the case.

So, if you've been off for a few weeks, or in the case of my wife, for 15 months (maternity leave), how do you generate within yourself the desire to head back to work and not just dial it in, but actually make new, more valued contributions?

The truth is, while most everyone wants to be a positive, motivated person, we all struggle to find the desire to make changes from time to time. Motivation is never a constant state. There are times when we are more motivated than others. The secret is to know how to get your motivation back when it wains. Here are 7 tips to help you when you feel like you're stuck in a slump:

1. Remember When - Take a few minutes to think about how you felt when you were getting ready to start your first day at your current job. Hopefully, if you enjoy your job even a little bit, when you first started it you were quite excited. So think back to that first day. Whether it was two years ago or twenty-five. Try to remember what it was like the night before that first day. Remember the excitement, the anticipation, the desire to be your best and show your boss and co-workers how great you were. That is the feeling you're striving to carry with you every day when you head into work!

2. Start Small - When it comes to setting goals and making changes, we often sabatoge ourselves by going too big. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm all for setting big goals and pushing ourselves to exceed our expectations and perceived limits. But sometimes, trying to do too much too soon can backfire and set us up for failure. So set that big goal, but be sure to break it into smaller steps so that you can have a manageable first step to take.

3. Get Inspired - An important thing for anyone to do who wants to be motivated is to find their sources of inspiration. I have yet to meet anyone who can remain 100% intrinsically motivated continuously. I have many sources of inspiration that I rely on to recharge my battery, and get me excited about things. They include: God/prayer, my family, great music, inspiring heroes (Terry Fox is one of my favourites) and stories of regular people doing extraordinary things. So figure out what gets you fired up and then be sure your days include a regular dose of those things. Subscribe to a great blog (hint, hint) or e-zine (http://www.markblackspeaks.com/e_zine), watch your favourite tv shows, listen to your favourite music etc. When you properly identify your sources of inspiration then you can be assured in times of doubt and slump that you know how to get going again.

4. Seek Support - "No man (or woman) is an island" someone once said. You weren't meant to go through this life alone and so you shouldn't expect yourself to achieve everything you want without a little help along the way. So if you're trying to generate some new enthusiasm for a particular project or goal, start telling people about. As many people as you can. This will do two things: 1) Talking about a goal gets us more excited about it, and 2) By telling others about what we plan to do we are simultaneously making an unspoken commitment to them that you will follow through. The benefit of this is that most people are better at keeping commitments to others than we are to ourselves. So by committing to others that you will do such and such you greatly increase your chances of success.

5. Refuse to Quit - This is actually the most critical of all the tips because without this, nothing else works. If you can make a commitment to yourself and others, from the beginning, that you will not give up, no matter what, everything else will follow. The thing that actually stops many of us from achieving what we want in life is that we get so tired of fighting the constant inner battle with ourselves over whether we'll keep going or give us, that we get tired and stop pursing the goal. But if you can commit, from the start, that you will not quit, no matter what, then you don't have to fight that internal battle anymore and all that's left is execution. That may sound like a lot, and it is, but since you'll be free to work on the goal without expending energy on continuously keeping yourself motivated, it won't seem nearly as daunting.

Here's to your motivation and your success!