The Little Things

This week we were blessed to welcome our new son "Matteo" into the world. At just over 7lbs at birth and now a little lighter than that, he has reminded me about the importance of the "little things" in life. When it comes right down to it, most of the important things in life are the little things. Yes your wedding day, the birth of a child, the big promotion, can all be major days in your life and provide lots of great memories. But the quality of your life isn't determined so much by those few great "big" moments, as much as it is by the accumulation of all of the amazing little ones.

The same is also true in the business world. While the major decisions you make are important, the success you have will be determined more by the multitude of small actions - the little things - that you do each day, each week, and each month, that accumulate to shape your destiny.

This is a critical concept to understand because it can be easy to miss. Many of us fall into the trap of focusing so hard on the few milestone moments in our lives that we gloss over the multitude of little moments and small decisions we make where the difference is really made.

So this week I encourage you to become more aware of the many wonderful little things in your life and appreciate them. I also want you to take a look at how you manage your days to see how you are using those little things you do each day. Are you executing them at 100%? Are you giving them the attention they require? If not, start. This is where success is gained or lost.

Accountability Matters

There seems to be a concept gaining popularity that essentially states we are not responsible for our lives. We are not responsible for our actions, we aren’t responsible for our results and we aren’t responsible for each other.

This space is not big enough to enter into the speculation on where this idea has come from, and frankly, I’m not sure that it matters. What I want to address is how you, as a person who wants to be successful and contribute to the world, has to do to avoid failing victim this type of thinking.

Among youth, I see this trend manifesting in everything from grades, to money, to how they treat each other. While MOST young people are hard working, kind and generous people, there are SOME who walk around with an attitude of entitlement. They seem to think that the world owes them something. They think they DESERVE the iPod, the new car, the trendy clothes and whatever else their heart desires. There seems to be little notion, among this group, that these things come as a result of hard work and are not handed out to anyone who decides they want it.

Adults too, are falling prey to this flawed thinking and the results are serious. As much as we’d all like to blame the global credit crisis on irresponsible big banks, each of us is as much to blame. If we were better prepared to handle changes, it wouldn’t have been the issue it has been. Instead, because people think they DESERVE to have everything they want, they have mortgaged themselves into oblivion, maxed out credit cards, and continued to spend without any regard for what would happen if anything went wrong.

What’s my point? All of these issues should be teaching us a very important lesson about the importance of accountability. One of the universal laws of life is that in one way or another, eventually, we will all be held accountable for how we behave. If we commit crimes, we’ll go to jail, if we overspend, we’ll have financial trouble, if we don’t pay the mortgage, we lose or house. There are consequences for actions. Yet many still try to live in make-believe world where there aren’t.

But what if Instead of living in fear of the negative consequences of bad decisions, we started to live with a focus on the positive consequences of good choices? What if instead of not opening bills in the hopes that maybe they’ll go away, and then having to dig out of a deep hole, we were proactive in managing our money and looked forward to the positive consequence of being debt free? What if instead of dreading the fact that we’re getting fatter (more than 50% of North Americans are now obese) and then stick our heads in the ground and continue to stuff our faces, we made a plan to eat better, move more, and looked forward to the positive consequence of slimming down and being in better health?

So why aren’t we more accountable? Surely most of us WANT to live well, do the right thing, make good decisions and be responsible. So why don’t we; because we don’t make ourselves accountable. It is all too easy in today’s world to avoid consequences. Yes they will catch up with us eventually, but we can evade them for a long time, sometimes years. Witness the thousands of 55-75 year old people still working. Not because they want to, but because they have failed to properly prepare for retirement and have now discovered that they simply can’t afford to. They weren’t held accountable for how they were spending and not saving, until it was too late.

In many cases school works the same way. Students fail to do the work and study necessary to learn what they need to learn, but our school system advances them through the grade levels anyway. Students get the message that there no real consequence for not working because hey, I’ll go to grade 11 next year anyway. And then we wonder why they don’t get it when a few years later, they realize that they can’t operate that way in the workplace.

So what can you and I do to deal with the chronic lack of accountability in our world? Probably not much. But we CAN make ourselves accountable. We can realize that if we ensure that we make ourselves accountable for our actions and our results, that we will end up more successful, happier, fulfilled people. How do we do that?

There are a few ways that you can create accountability in your life. Here are my favourites:

1) Get a Coach: Most people think coaches are only for athletes, or maybe people in the depths of crisis. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most of the successful people I know get coaching in some form or another. They realize that a coach can help them by seeing things they cannot see, giving an unbiased opinion on issues, and most importantly by keeping them accountable to themselves. A coach is a great way to be sure that you execute on the goals you set. Learn more about coaching at: (http://www.MarkBlackSpeaks.com/coaching)

2) Create a Mastermind Group – Gather a few colleagues, friends or ideally people who are even a little further ahead on your path than you are, and get together to talk. Meet once a month or maybe more frequently and keep each other posted on your progress. Share you goals and objectives and keep each other ACCOUNTABLE to working on them.

3) Find an Accountability Partner – Find a colleague or friend who you trust, respect and can count on. Set meeting once a month or every two weeks. Share your goals and plans and the actions you plan to take to accomplish them. When you meet each week, ask each other if you have done what you said you would do.

Whatever you can do to hold yourself accountable to yourself is valuable. When you become truly accountable for your actions and your results, your results will improve.

Get Out of Your Own Way

This week I wanted to write about one of the greatest obstacles you will ever face on the road to success. It’s an obstacle that is especially frightening because it can be so stealthy, you won’t even realize that it’s impeding your progress. That obstacle, is you! Whether your goals are personal or professional, whether you’re working at becoming a better partner or a better golfer, one of the biggest keys to your success is getting out of your own way.

Have you ever been set a goal or yourself, and been ever-so-close to achieving it, only to fall short? Have you ever experienced the frustration that comes from reaching a plateau where you just can’t seem to make any progress in whatever you’re doing? More often than not, the reason for these road blocks is that you’re getting in the way of your own success. Sometimes the best thing you can do to help yourself succeed is to get out of the way and let success happen.

I’m a runner. Everyday, I see the power that we have to help or hinder our personal performance. When someone starts running for the first time, they notice great gains in fitness and speed almost instantly. Within weeks they are able to run farther, faster and with less effort than when they began. This rate of progress continues for different periods of time for different people, but eventually, everyone reaches a plateau. Progress slows down, or almost stops entirely. It can be a very frustrating time, especially for those who are very competitive.

The mistake that many people make when they reach a plateau is that they begin to train harder, farther and faster thinking that more effort will produce better results. However, what often happens is exactly the opposite. Rather than getting stronger and faster, they stagnate or in some cases, their performance gets worse. Why, because these people are getting in the way of their own success.

The same principal applies in all aspects of life. Whether you’re a student studying for a test, a young executive trying to climb the corporate ladder, or an independent business person trying to grow your enterprise, sometimes the best thing you can do, is just get out of the way and let things happen.

Am I saying that hard work isn’t necessary? Absolutely not. Success doesn’t just happen without working at it. You can’t just sit in a chair ad think about your success and expect it to find you. Success requires action. That’s one of the central flaws with “The Secret” that’s gained such great popularity is that it seems to imply that action isn’t necessary (but that’s another article).

While action is necessary to create your success, too much action can be as detrimental as no action at all. It can be tempting to get in the drawn in by the idea that we should always be doing something to create our success. With that attitude we can begin to feel like if we aren’t doing something all the time, we’re failing, but sometimes the best thing you can do to succeed, is to not do a thing.

Miracles Happen All the Time. Do You Recognize Them?

I couldn't let the evens of this week pass without talking about this subject. On August 7th, 2010, tragedy struck Chili. A mine collapsed with 33 miners underground, trapped and presumed dead.

Despite the dire odds that anyone would have survived, rescue efforts began. On August 22nd, nearly two weeks after the collapse, drills were able to break through and it was discovered that just one, but all 33 of the miners were alive, and all things considered, doing well! Then, finally, on Wednesday, October 13th, more than seventy days after the mine collapsed, the miners were freed!

When I see stories like this one, the only word that comes to mind is "miracle". To me, there is nothing else that explains how all of the minors would survive, and in such good shape (they have all been released from hospital less than a week after being underground for more than two months!).

In my short life I've been privileged to see a few amazing miracles like this one. The "miracle on the Hudson" where a large commuter plane "crash landed" without hurting anyone on board comes to mind. These events can certainly be explained with words other than "miracle". People who don't believe in them, can easily explain how individual skill and training allowed Captain Sully to land that plane, and I'm sure there are geologists and others who give scientific explanations for why the minors were not harmed in the mine collapse. The truth though is that there is no logical explanation for why everyone should have survived in either case. But they did.

So what's the point? Beyond a good news story and impact on the families of those involved, what is the take-away for the rest of us from a story like this? Simply this; miracles can happen and most of the time, it takes us to MAKE them happen! Hope is never completely lost. There is always good that can come from tragedy. But we have to play our part in the process.

Miracles, little ones anyway, happen all the time. Who has seen a child be born can say that they didn't witness a miraculous thing? A hundred years ago, who would have said we would send someone to the moon? It now seems likely that in our lifetime, we may witness the development of a cure for MS. But these things don't just 'happen' they take human beings, who care for each other, doing their best to make a difference.

So if you're struggling in the rough economy, if you have problems with your relationships, if you hate your job, or you feel like your friends aren't there for you, remember, miracles happen; but it's up to us to help them along! So go out and make a little miracle in the life of someone today. GB. Mark

How Bad Do You Want It?

How committed are you to your success? How bad do you want what you want?

This past week was a roller coaster ride for me. When the week started I thought that I had booked a spot in a major conference I was hoping to be a part of. Tuesday, I was disappointed to find out that not only did I not get that contract, but I actually lost two others contracts that I thought were almost in the bag. By the end of the day I was in a bad mood and feeling VERY discouraged.

Later in the week I contacted a speaker friend of mine who WAS booked for the event I was hoping to land. After expressing my jealousy that's he'd been booked and I hadn't, I wondered aloud what I was doing wrong or what I wasn't doing, that I should have been. Like a good friend would, he called me out and listed a few things that I could/should be doing to build my business and increase my odds of success, and asked why I hadn't done them yet.

When I explained that I'd avoided these steps because of the expense involved, he challenged me about how committed I really was to my success. I hadn't taken these steps because I didn't want to invest money in something when I didn't have much to invest and couldn't be assured of good ROI. His response was very challenging, "if you don't invest in your business, how can you expect it to grow?"

What an incredibly powerful question and challenge to all of us. We all say that we WANT to be successful. We all SAY that we want to be the best at what we do. But how many of us are willing to do whatever it takes to get there? Most of the time, the difference between those who do well and those who do great in their chosen fields, is that those who do great are willing to do what those who do well, aren't willing to do.

So this week I challenge you to do what your competition and colleagues aren't willing to do. Figure out the one or two things that you could do that your competition can't or are not willing to... then do it!

You may read this and say, great Mark, but tell me what those things are. What are we supposed to do? Truthfully I can't tell you what those things are for you. It's different for all of us. Maybe you need to learn a new skill, hire an employee or consultant to help you, read some new research, change jobs, or even get out of a harmful relationship. I don't know what it is for you. That's your job. But I can tell you this, when you make the commitment to do whatever it takes, success will come. That's a guarantee.

Nothing but death and taxes?....

It was Benjamin Franklin who said, "'In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." While Benjamin Franklin is doubtlessly one of the wisest and most intelligent leaders to have walked the earth, he had this one a but wrong, or at least, incomplete. I would say that the only thing we can be certain about is uncertainty. After all, if you can be sure of anything in life, it's that you can't be sure of anything. No matter how well we prepare, how much planning we do, and how proactive we are, there will always be parts of life out of our control. For most, the uncertainty of life is something they just deal with. They just do their best to plan ahead and be proactive and understand that sometimes, things just won't go the way you planned. For others though, the uncertainty of life can be a great source of anxiety.

For these folks, not being able to control various elements of their lives is a source of great stress and so their natural response is to do whatever they can to eliminate that stress. That can mean different things to different people. For some it means drinking or doing drugs, for others it means checking out of life completely, holding themselves up in their house and "safe zone" so they don't have to deal with real life. There's no avoiding the fact that life is, at best, only somewhat predictable. There will always be uncertainly. The only question is; how will you handle it?

I would challenge you this week to think of life's uncertainty not as something to be 'tolerated' or 'coped with' but something to appreciate. Am I suggesting that I love uncertainty or that you should? Not exactly. I'm not the biggest fan of the unknown. In fact, I would suggest that by our very nature, human beings dislike that which they don't fully understand and can't predict. However, what is also true is that as much as we hate uncertainty, too much certainty can be even harder to cope with. Imagine for a minute what life would be like if you always knew exactly how everything would turn out? No need to plan anything, no need to set goals and strive after them, you already know what you'll accomplish. No interesting coincidences or even surprise parties, because you already know how everything is going to turn out. Sound fun?

We THINK we crave certainty in life, but in fact uncertainty is actually what makes life interesting. So the key is not to try to eliminate uncertainty from life but to embrace uncertainty. To do that all you have to do is think about the times in life when you were uncertain about something... how often did it turn out in disaster? How often did it turn out fine? And how often did it actually turn out even better than you'd hoped?

The fact is that while life has it's ups and downs and surprises, for the most part, life turns out pretty much as you'd expected. So if you expect great things, great things are quite likely in your future. If you expect bad... well. So rather than anticipating uncertainty with dread, try to see it with potential, even excitement. Chances are good that it' will turn out just fine, or, even better!

Appreciating LIFE

When was the last time you too a moment and really appreciated your life? Have you taken some time lately to sit back, examine your life, and realize how fortunate you are and how amazing life is?

Tomorrow is a special day for me. It is the 8th anniversary of the day I received my Heart and Double-Lung transplant. For me this day is a special as my birthday, maybe even more so. This day is the day that I was given a second chance to live life, and in the last eight years, I've been blessed to be able to experience many things that I would never have experienced otherwise.

I've been able to get married and have a child. I never thought I'd be able to have a family of my own. It's been an amazing blessing. I've also had the opportunity to become a runner, something I was never healthy enough to do before the transplant. Finally, I've been blessed to become a speaker and travel North America meeting thousands of amazing people, and hopefully inspiring them along the way (www.MarkBlackSpeaks.com). So when this day comes along each year it is a reminder to me to appreciate the life I've been given and ask myself if I'm appreciating it the way I should. (To learn more about becoming an organ donor, go to: http://www.organsandtissues.ca/english/ldpe/pdfs/English_LDPE_Brochure_NDD.pdf

So what do you have to be thankful for? What are you taking for granted in your life? Do you have children? Do they get on your nerves sometimes? Of course they do;)but you also love them more than anything in the world. Which do you spend more time focused on? Do you take time to appreciate that love and the miracle that is their lives?

The truth is that we're all guilty of taking things for granted in life (myself definitely included). The challenge is to recognize when we're falling into that pattern and shake ourselves out of it. It doesn't take much thinking to come up with something to appreciate, not does it take some major life event like a birth, or my case a transplant. For example, this morning I awoke to a beautiful blue sunny sky. The same blue sunny sky we've enjoyed all summer here in Atlantic Canada. Last summer we hardly saw that sun. So we're all very appreciative of it this summer. Last week we were forecast to be hit with Hurricane Earl. All indications were that the heart of the storm was going to hit us and hit us hard. In the end, it brushed by and hardly hit us at all. There was little to no damage done and everyone is fine. Something to appreciate; it could have been much, much worse.

So this week I challenge you to appreciate your life. Enjoy it. Recognize all of the things that are going right and focus on those rather than on the things that maybe aren't quite where you'd like them to be. By doing this you will not only realize how fortunate you are, but you'll also be in a better position mentally and emotionally to do something about the parts of your life that you want to improve.

Have a great week. And by the way, I very much appreciate the opportunity to share these thoughts with you and that so many of you take the time each week to read them!

Pushing Through to the Next Peak

Yesterday I completed another long run in my training for a marathon in November, 19km, and it as a doozy! A well-known truth distance running is that on any given day you can have a great run or a horrible run. Today was one of those tough ones. I finished it, in a decent time even, but I felt like crap, and many, many, times, I felt like stopping. Why didn't I? 1) Because I have nurtured a desire and an ability to push through pain, discomfort, and fatigue, in order to achieve a goal and 2) I knew it would pass.

Another truth of distance running is that when you start to feel crummy, and you often do, it doesn't mean that you're day is near it's end or that you will necessarily feel that way for the rest of the run. Long distance running, like life, has it's ups and downs. In one day, a runner may experience three or four peaks and valleys. Moments where you feel like you want to stop are followed moments later by feeling like you could run forever. So when they hit a rough patch, experienced runners know that all they need to do is push through it, and a better stretch is sure to follow. The catch is, you actually have to push through the tough stuff and keep running, in order to experience the good run on the other side. What a great metaphor for success in business and in life.

In the Book of Proverbs in the Bible it says, "It is always darkest before the dawn". In other words, our greatest moments often follow our toughest ones. If you are like me and you find this to be incredibly accurate, have you ever thought about why? Have you ever wondered why it is that our greatest achievements, our proudest moments, and our best memories, often come after our worst failures, saddest defeats and worst nightmares? I believe it is because for those who choose to, obstacles can supply an even greater desire to succeed. Those who fail know how it feels, and they don't like it. That feeling is a great motivator to work harder and succeed next time, and it provides the strength and determination you need to push through the inevitably difficult times in life so that you can experience the success that awaits on the other side.

A business that succeeds after going bankrupt, an athlete who wins the gold after falling in the race the year before, the candidate who wins the election after having been defeated four years earlier, know how special their achievements are and able to appreciate them in ways that those who manage to go straight to the top without hitting many bumps, don't. And they are able to experience those successes only because instead of giving up when they encounter discouragement and defeat (as many others would), they push through to the other side.

So are you pushing through? Are you focussed on the peak when you're going through your valley, or do you hit a dip and quit? The choice is yours, and the level of your success will be determined by your choice.


And victory never tastes so sweet as when it comes after a loss

Momentum... Keep it Going!

Physics textbooks say that the formula for momentum is Mass x Velocity. In other words, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. I've learned this lesson in my running and training many, many times. While I follow a 10 & 1 training program for running (which means that you run ten minutes and then walk one minute and repeat this process for the desired distance) I've learned that, especially nearing the end of a long race (1/2 marathon +) it becomes increasingly difficult to start running again after that one minute walk break. The body slows down to walk and then it wants to stay slowed down. It take more and more work to get moving again.

The same is true in a training program. I can't count the number of times that I have gotten myself into great shape preparing for an event and then, after the event is over, I take a break that becomes a hiatus and pretty soon I've lost my fitness level and have to start almost back at zero. This is an example of the law of Momentum and also the inverse law which is that an object at rest tends to stay at rest. In other words, it takes a lot more energy to get something moving than it does to keep it going once it's started. I recently finished another half marathon program and this time I've been continuing to train 3 times a week and getting a long run in fairly consistently. I'm trying hard to take advantage of the law of Momentum. I've already gotten into shape, so now I'm just trying to maintain it. While it took 4-5 days a week of fairly intense training to get here, it takes much less to keep it going. That's momentum.

If you study the lives of successful people in any field, you'll discover that what they are better at than others, is that they're really good at capitalizing on Momentum. They understand that it takes a TON of work to get a business, career or project off the ground, and relatively small amounts of energy to keep it going after that. That's why venture capitalists exit. They understand that while they could continue to start new companies, develop them, nurture them and then sell them for a profit, it's much more efficient to buy companies once they are already up and running and successful. We need to apply the same principal to our lives.

Too many of us experience success in some aspect of our lives and then rest on that success. We enjoy the feeling of having achieved something too long and don't capitalize on the momentum we've generated. Maybe you've just done a great job on a project at work. You've landed a big account, or finished a big report and you've been praised and recognized for your good work. There's a temptation to stop and bask in the glow of recognition, but if you do that, you'll be missing a great opportunity. instead of resting on your laurels, ask for another responsibility, or talk with your supervisor about your accomplishment to see if there something else that he or she can see you doing. Maybe it's even the time to ask for that raise or promotion.

Publicists know that once you've been able to generate a little interest or buzz about your client, the next step is to keep that person in the media as much and for as long as you can. In other words you use the recognition of the first media appearance to generate the next one. Momentum. Just like the little snowball at the top of the hill, once it gets moving and starts to gain speed and size, it becomes increasingly difficult to stop it. Your life and you success can be the same way.

So take advantage of whatever momentum you have currently generated in your life. If you've taken the first step toward a goal, hurry up and take the second step. It you've just lost ten pounds. Don't stop to enjoy those ten pounds, work on the next ten. After all, if Momentum = Mass x Velocity, your mass has just decreased so you need to increase your velocity that much more! :) Keep it going! Use Momentum to your advantage.

Life is Beautiful

Life. What is it? Many people have defined it, many have tried to explain it and many have expressed their feelings about it but no one I've read or heard yet has been able to explain, express or define it's beauty. I won't be able to either, but today I want to remind you of the beauty, the wonder and the gift that is life. To do that, I want to share with you a perspective we can all appreciate, that of my two year old daughter, Emma.

Emma is a constant reminder to me that life is an awesome, beautiful and amazing thing. Because of her youth, she is amazed by nearly everything. We go for a walk and she sees an ant crawling on the ground, she stops, she examines it, she watched it walk along the pavement and she takes it all in. She is awestruck by this ant. To her, it is an amazing thing.

Later on our walk she will notice the sewer drain in the side of the road. She hears the sound of rushing water and she stops to listen and watch, to see what can be discovered from this interesting discovery.

A while later she'll ask to push her stroller with her baby doll in it. She'll walk along proudly pushing her baby and talking to her the whole length of the walk, describing what's happening, pointing things out to her (or at least that's what I assume she's doing since I can rarely make out more than a few words she says to her baby). Finally we come back to our driveway and Emma fights not to go inside. She loves to walk, to discover, to play and she doesn't want it to end. I bring her inside as she cries I try to re-assure her that we will go on other walks. There will be more discovering another day.

What Emma has taught me, and continues to teach me, is that life is amazing. There is so much to be discovered, appreciated and enjoyed. She doesn't need a good reason to laugh, she just does it. She doesn't need anything truly extraordinary (at least by adult standards) to be awestruck and amazed, she takes everything in with a true appreciation and amazement for the wonder that is life. And it's inspiring to watch.

Emma reminds me, and should remind us all, that life is a beautiful and amazing and it should be a valuable gift that we treasure and use to the best of our abilities. As adults it can be easy to forget this amongst the bills, work, responsibilities, stress, but we need to. We need to remember that life is short, and we shouldn't waste a minute of it complaining, worrying or doing anything but appreciating and using it.

Today may you be more open the wonder and beauty that is your life. Take a moment to breathe in the fresh morning air. Take a second to really SEE. Take in the blue sky, the sun and the rainbows. It's an amazing, beautiful and awe-inspiring world out there. Enjoy it!

Simple Pleasures, Beautiful Moments

With each passing year, I come more and more to realize that the greatest joys in life come from simple pleasures and beautiful moments. It truly is "not the years in our life but the life in our years" that matters.

Last night I enjoyed one of those beautiful moments that makes you grateful to be alive. Unlike most nights when I allow my wife to do the work of putting our two year old daughter Emma, to bed, last night I took over the job. I wasn't particularly excited to do it since yesterday was a tough day for Emma. She's fighting a cold, cutting her molars and in general just not in a good mood. She'd been whiny all night and I didn't exactly relish the thought of putting her to bed. But I'm certainly glad now that I did.

After brushing our teeth (yes I have to brush mine too so that she'll brush hers) we went to pick out a story. Emma picked the Sears catalogue to read (one of her favourites... I know it doesn't make any sense, but it's what she likes). After flipping through the pages for a while and finding the dolls and the toys, we closed it and I was ready to put her in her crib, but instead of doing that, I decided to just hold her in my arms and rock her a bit.

Normally, Emma is very squirmy, even at bed time, and doesn't let you hold her for too long. But last night she allowed her father the chance to hold her in his arms and just rock with her and then I started to sing. Nothing in particular, bits and pieces of different songs as lyrics came into my head. It didn't matter what I sang I knew. She just laid her little head on my shoulder and allowed me that simple, beautiful, moment. And it did take my breath away.

So often we get caught up in the constant struggle to create great moments in our lives. We spend months planning elaborate trips and parties, we schedule every minute of our vacations, and we try to pack in as much as we can. We work hard at our fun sometimes. But often, the greatest joys in life, the moments that take our breath away, are the simplest, and the cheapest. They're the moments that sneak up on us. All we have to do is sit back, let them happen and take them in.

Today I wish you many, many beautiful moments. I encourage you to be open to them and when they happen, to recognize and appreciate them. For they are the true treasures of life.

Setting UNrealistic and UNachievable Goals

Conventional goal-setting wisdom advises, among other things, that you make your goals: achievable and realistic. I think that's crap. If goals were meant to be achievable and realistic most of the world's greatest achievements and inventions would never have happened. Effective goals should be UN-realistic and NOT QUITE Achievable. Why?

1. Because if you want to be motivated to achieve something, you need to be excited about it, and it's hard to get excited about something you know you can do in your sleep.

2. Goals are meant to help you realize your potential. If a goal isn't pushing you beyond your comfort zone, it's not doing it's job!

Am I suggesting that your goals should be completely impossible? No, there's not much point in that. For example, the goal to become the world's fastest marathoner is not mine - at 4'11" with a new heart and lungs it just plain ain't ever gonna happen. I'll also never be the biggest, fastest or strongest at anything. And that's ok with me.

As a motivational speaker, you might expect me to say that anyone can do anything, but I won't say that because truth be told, that just isn't true, and we all know it. But what is also true, is that a whole lot more is possible than most people think, and you will never achieve more than you think is possible. You just gotta' believe.

This week I challenge you to challenge yourself. When was the last time you really pushed yourself? When was the last time you explored your limits and tried to go beyond them? When was the last time you re-examined what you consider "impossible" and then proved yourself wrong? Part of living fully is daring to fail enough to find out what you're really capable of doing. So go out there this week and fail. Set some UN-realistic and UN-achievable goals. You might just do something incredible!
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Learn more about Mark's inspirational programs and his best-selling book "Live Life from the Heart: 52 Weeks to a Life of Passion and Purpose" go to: www.MarkBlackSpeaks.com

Achieve Your New Year's Resolutions

I want to share a very important piece of wisdom with you: You will never accomplish anything… if you never start. There is great power in beginning. I don’t know many people who don’t have at least a few goals for themselves unfortunately; the number of those people who have actually done anything about those goals is far too small. Oh sure we think about working on our goals, we dream about achieving those goals, but we rarely do anything about them.

As New Year's 2010 starts to fade from memory, this week's article is about helping you to set and achieve some resolutions that will really make a difference in your life in the next 11 1/2 months. Over the next few weeks we'll address a few of the key steps needed to make your resolutions a reality. The first one is simply this: Get Started!

How often have you said to yourself, “I really should …”? Whether it was travel, work less, begin an exercise program, write a book, we’ve all had goals and then for one reason or another failed to achieve them. Often the reason we fail is that we can’t complete the most important step; start.

It sounds simple but in fact sometimes starting is the hardest part. It’s easy to get so overwhelmed and intimidated by the scope of what needs to be done, that you just don’t know what to do first. Another problem people encounter is that they make the mistake of thinking that action follows motivation, but there’s no reason that the opposite won’t work just as well.

The problem with waiting to be motivated before you start is sometimes you just can’t get motivated. Instead of waiting for the inspiration to start working on your goals, just start. If you get things going, motivation will follow

Action Item

First make a list of a few major goals you have for your life. Now, figure out what would be the first three steps that you’d have to take to accomplish each of these goals and write them down underneath the goal. For example, if your goal is to write a book, set aside an hour each day, to write. Take the phone off the hook, turn the TV off, and write.

Don’t get tripped up by trying to figure out what the perfect first step is. Just write something down (you can always change it if you need to). In this situation, the key isn’t what you do, just that you do something.

Goal 1

a)

b)

c)

Goal 2

a)

b)

c)

Goal 3

a)

b)

c)

What you’ve just done is create your TO DO list for your next year. You should now have nine things that you can DO today to start making your resolutions come true. Don’t allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the whole project, just pick the first thing on the list and get started!

Dealing with Post-Holiday Stress

This is a time of the year that can be very stressful for many of us. Vacation is over, and there are no breaks anywhere in sight for the next while. The credit card bills start rolling in after holiday over-spending, and many people can get pretty stressed out. Add to that the short days, darkness and frigid temperatures and this can be a very hard time of the year to deal with. So this blog entry is about how to deal effectively with this stress.

1) Sort out what you're worries are - Sometimes that means writing things down. Make a list of everything that you have on your mind. Then, go through them one by one and examine which you have control over and which you don't. Those you don't; put out of your mind, you can't do anything about them anyway and focussing on them will only cause stress and anxiety. Those you CAN control, set to work on sorting them out or solving them all together (ie: If mounting bills are stressing you out, go through them, find out exactly what you owe and either pay them, or make a plan with a bank on how you'll deal with them). Often just dealing with the issues and knowing you have a plan can make a lot of difference.

2) Focus on Today - Just like I mention in my book (Live Life from the Heart: 52 Weeks to a Life of Passion and Purpose - click here to get your copy), the more you can remain in the present and focus on one day at a time, the easier life gets. Let's face it, there is lots you can control, but even more you can't and the sooner you accept that and strop trying to control those things, the better. Focus on enjoying each day as best you can (not with the idea that you won't have tomorrow, but just because every day is special:)

3) Stay Busy - For me the most effective thing I can do to help my mood and my ability to cope with life's stress is to stay busy. The more I can keep my mind distracted with other things, the better I feel. That held true when I was in hospital and is still true today. When I have too much time on my hands I can get neurotic and begin worrying a lot, but if I stay active and busy, life goes well. I'm not advocating that you ignore reality or anything, but simply that you don't dwell on negative things and instead focus on living life as actively and fully as your health will allow.

4) Exercise - In that same vane, I'm a runner. People often ask me, "why?". Why running? Why is it important to you? and the truth is, I do it because I love it and I want to stay in shape, but most of all, I do it because of how it makes me feel. After a run (even if it's only a few km) I feel more energized, more calm and have a general sense of well-being. I would strongly encourage you to get active. It doesn't have to be running. Walking is great too, so is swimming. Anything that gets your heart rate up for a while is good. It will help your mood, ease stress and also make you stronger physically which, especially when you're fighting disease, is really important.

5) Pray, but Act Too - Faith is a huge part of my life. I couldn't have made it through my health issues without God. Sometimes he provided that little push or support, sometimes he carried me completely. I pray daily and I think it can be a great source of comfort and strength. That said, I also think that God expects us to help ourselves and that he often does his work through us and others. If you don't already, start praying. Trust me, God is waiting to hear from you:). But also don't expect miracles without any work. I want to take nothing away from God and his infinite power to help us and even cure us, but I do think he expects that we'll use the gifts and abilities he's given us to help ourselves as well. So don't sit around waiting for him to work miracles without taking action yourself. At the same time try surrendering as much of your future to him as you can (that's a daily struggle too) but in the end, we know he's in control and he loves us and cares for us more than we can ever understand. He only wants what's best for us and so the more we let him work, the better things will be.

I hope this was helpful to any of our readers dealing with the post-holiday stress common to so many. Remember your life is what you make it. Don't waste time being stressed over things you can't change.

Finding Contentment

Eight years ago I found myself in a hospital bed waiting for a miracle to save my life. I was on the heart-lung transplant waiting list, unsure of how, or even if, my life would continue. I was blessed to have family and friends to support me along the way but it was still a tough situation.

In the years since that time, many people asked me how it felt to have my life "on hold". To them, I wasn't really living, I was just "on hold". I wasn't really living. But they were wrong. During that six months I learned one of the most important lessons of my life, that happiness isn't found in what you do, how much you have, or don't have, or even if you're healthy (in fact I was very, very, sick) happiness comes from being able to find contentment wherever you are. Happiness comes from cultivating appreciation, especially for the little things.

While in hospital for six months, I learned to cultivate an appreciation for time with family, card games, the perfect meal. In other words, I learned to enjoy life's simple pleasures.It wasn't that I didn't still have goals and dreams; I most certainly did. But instead of needing those things in order to be happy, I realized that I could cultivate happiness right where I was, sick in a hospital bed. My happiness was not dependent on a set of conditions. I learned to just BE.

This holiday, strive to avoid getting caught up in ensuring that every details is perfect. Don't get overly stressed that this or that isn't "just right". Instead take the time to savour the moments. Enjoy your time with family and friends. Sing carols, have great conversations, play fun games and take it all in. This, after all, is what life is all about. Next year you won't remember if the stuffing was perfect or the bow didn't match the paper on one of your gifts. What you'll remember is the time you spent with people you care about. You'll remember the little things.

Have a blessed and merry Christmas. Just remember to slow down enough to take it in.

Sometimes you just have to laugh...

Yesterday I had what was probably one of the funniest embarrassing moments of my career as a speaker. While it makes me look rather stupid, I thought it was worth sharing with you anyway...

On Saturday I spoke to the Atlantic Fabricare Association (an association of dry cleaners). The event went well and I happily accepted their cheque after the event, put it in my pocket and went home.

My wife and baby went with me on the trip and we didn't arrive back home until late that night. So when we got home I was tired and wanted to get to bed, so I threw my pants on the floor and went to sleep.

The next evening I realized that I hadn't cashed the cheque yet. I made a mental note to put the cheque in my wallet so I could bring it to the bank in the morning. That night as my head hit the pillow I remembered that I still hadn't put the cheque in my wallet. So I got up and went to get it out of my suit pants, but the pants weren't on the floor anymore. My wife has a habit of picking up after me (I know I should pick up after myself:) so I went to look in the closet assuming she'd hung them up for me, but they weren't there...

After much searching, I found the pants in the basement... on a drying rack... wet... that's right, my wife had WASHED my dry-clean only suit pants. But wait, it get's better... the cheque was still in the pocket! It was a lump of wet, balled up paper.

So I fished out this lump of wet paper from the pocket of the pants and at 11:00 at night tried to unfold it and piece it back together. Amazingly, despite the fact that it was in about a dozen pieces, I was able to re-assemble the cheque. I taped it together but the teller at the bank, looking at this mess of what used to be a cheque, and politely told me she couldn't cash it.

I was left now with the unenviable task of calling my client, a dry cleaner, to ask him if he could cut me another cheque because why again?... because my wife had washed my dry-clean only suit pants and their cheque in the process! How stupid did I feel? Very!!

Thankfully, the client is a wonderful guy. He laughed at what was obviously a ridiculous situation and I couldn't help but laugh with him

Sometimes life hands us situations that can be maddening and frustrating. We can take those situations and struggle against them, try to fight them, get angry with them and cry "no fair"! Or, we can roll with the punches, go with the flow and laugh at them as best we can. While the first option may seem more appealing initially, it's the second option that will keep your blood pressure down and help you to smile and enjoy life more. Take your pick!

Making Progress Means Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

I had a great meeting with a coaching client today. It was a great meeting for a few reasons. Firstly, I really like this client. Even though we've only met a few times, we made an instant connection with each other. Our personalities are similar and we just "get" each other I think. It's always nice to interact with someone when you feel like you're both on the same wave length.

The bigger reason why I loved today's meeting was that I really felt like I was able to help this particular client work through what was holding her back from taking some basic actions that could really get her going in the direction she wants to go in her life. There are few feelings better, from my point of view anyway, then feeling like you've truly helped someone.

What my client needed to do is actually what most of us need to do when we're trying to make a change or achieve a new goal. She had to take a step back from her challenge, assess everything that she was trying to accomplish, and then begin to break it down into manageable steps.

So often when we look at a major life change, it overwhelms us. Think about what it's like when you move. Have you ever had to move, looked at your house or apartment, and though, "how in the world am I ever going to get this all packed up?" I know I have. And yet, almost everyone has moved at least once in their lives. It happens. It CAN be done. The secret is to not tackle the whole issue at once because when you do that you feel like you don't know where to start. So instead, you break it down. Maybe you start with the kitchen. Then, if that's still too much, you tackle one drawer in the kitchen until it's all packed. Then you do the next one. Eventually, the whole house is in boxes.

The same principal applies to our goals. At first you may feel like a few small actions won't make a difference to attaining your objective. But if you don't start with small pieces you can get so overwhelmed you don't take action at all. So start small, and accomplish something. Even if it's a seemingly insignificant step. The confidence you gain from crossing off that first task, will fuel your desire for the next. Soon, you'll have accomplished a entire list of things that bring you closer to your goal and you'll be well on your way.

So take a small step. Do it today. You may be a year, or more, away from where you want to be right now, but by taking action today you'll be one day closer to achieving your goal.

Celebrate! Do it loud and do it often!

When was the last time you celebrated? I mean really enthusiastically enjoyed and rejoiced about something? If you are like most of us, it was probably a while ago. Maybe the birth of your child, your wedding, or the wedding of your child, or close friend. Or maybe it's been so long since you were really celebratory, you can't even remember when the last time was. If that's the case don't feel badly, let's just do something about it.

I read a fascinating article recently about celebration, maybe the most interesting part was, it was written by a catholic priest. We don't usually think of the clergy (especially Catholic clergy) as being pro-celebration, but what this priest pointed out to his readers is that most of us don't really even know HOW to celebrate properly. We try to celebrate, and we end up with hangovers and regrets. We try to celebrate with parties, fast cars and extreme sports, but soon discover that the "rush" doesn't last.

Does that mean that real celebration cant' be done or that we shouldn't bother? Of course not. We are meant to truly ENJOY life and if we look, there are lots of excuses to celebrate. A birthday, an anniversary, a promotion, even a beautiful fall day (today is a great one), is a great reason to celebrate; to enjoy the moment, to relish being alive! The Oscar winning film was right, Life Really IS Beautiful.

So find something to celebrate today!

The Courage to Go On

Do you have what it takes to be a success in life? It's a question we all have to answer at one time or another (in fact most of us will have to answer it several times throughout our lives). If you want to be truly successful in your life, your career and your family life, you have to find out if you are actually willing to do what it takes to be a success. Many people want to be successful, but few are willing to do everything it takes to get there. That's what separates those who make it from those who don't. And one of the biggest obstacles to achieving success in any field is your willingness to keep going, to persevere, to refuse to quit, even when things are seemingly hopeless.

There was a particular episode of Grey's Anatomy that I think of when I think of courage. If you're not a fan, the show centres around the lives of doctors and interns at Seattle Grace Hospital. In this episode, a continuation of the finale from the season previous, one of the doctors on the show, a key character, died. The whole episode was about how those around him, his colleagues and those he was closest to, dealt with the loss.

While everyone seemed to deal with the accident that claimed their friend's life quite well initially, grief and anger eventually caught up to them and we watched as they were crushed by pain. It was a powerful show because it reminded me that we all face these incredibly difficult moments in life when it seems like we can't go on. Whether it's the death of a loved one, a diagnoses of illness or loss of a job, we all face moments where we think, "what do I do now?". It is at these moments that successful people behave differently than everybody else. It's not that successful people don't feel pain, hurt and anger; they do. What is different, is that despite those difficult feelings, successful people continue to move forward. They continue to keep going, to work, to love, to pray, to be ALIVE. And eventually, slowly but surely, life begins to feel "normal" again or, as my doctors told me after my transplant, you define a new "normal".

So today I ask you to ask yourself, "Am I willing to do whatever I need to do to realize my goals?" Am I willing to sacrifice, work hard and persevere in order to get where I want to go? And if you are, if you are truly dedicate to your goals and committed to making your dream life a reality, I believe you will. And when you git a "what do I do now?" moment, push through. Put one foot in front of the other. Eventually you'll come out the other side of your problem, stronger, wiser and more prepared to face your next challenge.

Have a great weekend!

What Golf Can Teach us About Life

I'm heading out golfing today. This is unusual for me for a few reasons. Firstly because I only golf about 3 times a year (wish I could golf more, but can't seem to find the time). And secondly I'm playing in a tournament (which I almost never do). The only reason I'm playing is because it's for an awesome cause and I get to play with my three brothers who I never get to spend enough time with.

So I was thinking about today's blog it occurred to me that golf has a lot of parallels with life; lot's to teach us. Here are just a few of my observations. Maybe the hardcore golfers can add more in the comments...

Patience - There is perhaps no greater virtue in life or in golf. There is nothing like shanking a ball (or three) in the woods to get your blood boiling. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how good or bad you are at golf, there are always frustrating moments in a round of golf. The good golfer, and the one who learns to enjoy the game, is he or she who is patient enough with themselves to move on and hit the next shot.

The same is true in life. We all hit roadblocks, brick walls and detours. There are times in life that can make us want to tear our hair out. Those who are successful in life, and enjoy the ride, are those who are patient with themselves and others and realize that no one's perfect.

Appreciation - Someone once said that "a round of golf is a good walk ruined" but a golfer who really enjoys the game can fun no matter how poorly their round goes. I particularly love the older golfers who have played the game for forty or more years. They often are more excited by the number of balls they find or how quickly they are able to play than what they shoot. They have learned that the experience of being outside and the friendship of their golfing friends is as important a part of the game as the shots they hit.

Life is much the same way I think. Those who are uniquely focused on their goals miss out on a lot of the joys of life. Taking the time to enjoy the little moments along the path like taking in a perfect sunset, reveling in the smile of a child or that perfect cup of coffee on a Saturday morning, enrich the journey so much. Take time to appreciate all that you have.

Striving for Excellence - Much like life, golf is really all about striving for excellence. Striving for that perfect round. I don't really know if anyone ever gets there because, well, you could always have shaved one more shot off your score, and yet still we strive. You can hit fifty bad shots in a row and be ready to give up the game forever and then you hit that one perfect shot. The club hits the ball in that special way, you feel the ball jump off the club and you just know it's pure. That one shot will keep most golfers coming back over and over again.

In life, those who are successful, strive for excellence all the while knowing they'll never be perfect. Some might argue that it's pointless to pursue something that you can't achieve, but others know the truth, it is the pursuit that matters. One need never achieve perfection in anything (if that's even achievable) as long as that is the goal you will be on the right path and ultimately, be successful in what you do.

So that's it for today. I'm off to hit the links. Wish me luck and hope that I and you will have at least one of those "pure shots" today.